Project Jamboree

Chapter Nineteen

Natasha's PoV

It's hard to explain what they did at camp.

It's difficult to talk about without breaking down. It's difficult to describe what they did to us.

All I remember is having hope.

I scolded myself for it. In camp, the ones who had hope ended up the most broken of us all. Better to stay in the gray.

And that's what happened to me, wasn't it? I'd hoped and now I was broken.

I couldn't even talk. They'd cut my vocal cords. I had a scar on my throat from it.

But it took me a few weeks there to remember that we don't wear all of our scars on our skin.

Some wounds ran deeper, more painful that anyone could ever know. They stayed hidden while you went through your day, when people asked you were and you lied that you were fine.

They say scars make you beautiful. I didn't want to be beautiful, I wanted to be whole.

Cole wasn't making it any easier.

I hated that he'd even had to spend a night in the camp, that he'd been shot in the leg and nobody cared. That he'd made a deal for my safety after I'd passed out.

I hated that he had to see me like this. I didn't like people seeing me broken, which was why I'd stood tall to my father, even though every fiber in my body wanted to burn him and run.

"Please sign something," Cole begged, "Come on, Nat."

He was pushing and he knew it. He knew that I didn't want to hurt him and he knew that I was broken.

You know I'm broken, I signed slowly, Why do you stick around?

"Because you're still you," Cole said.

He wasn't telling the whole truth. And I wasn't still me, so that was a lie. I was an empty shell.

We found a car in an abandoned gas station. I let Cole drive, simply because he knew where we were and where we were going.

"We should stop for the night," Cole told me, "Get some rest."

He told he he'd sleep in the passenger's seat to not accidentally start the car while sleeping, and I'd sleep in the back, spread out across the three seats.

I curled up in a ball in the back and tried to sleep.

"Red 37, how nice of you to join us," a PSF smiled at me as I was dragged into the training room and thrown to the floor.

"Get away from me," I hissed through gritted teeth, sparking fire across the room.

A brainwashed red extinguished it immediately.

"That's no way to behave," the PSF clicked her tongue one, two, three times. She was new. They said she transferred from Caledonia.

Back then, I hadn't known the punishment for misbehaving.

I laid on the floor, trying to defend myself as the guards beat me. One blow after another, I knew this was a dream. But I couldn't get out.

That was the day I'd exploded. The second time, right after transferring from Thurmond. My first year in Project Jamboree.

Fire filled the room.

"Natasha!" I was shaken awake by Cole. I was covered in a thin layer of sweat, shaking violently.

What happened? The dream happened.

"What was that?" Cole asked.

Just a dream, I signed with shaky hands, I'm okay.

"You're not, you-" he sighed and sat down next to me in the back, "Come here."

I leaned into his arms. It was freezing, but reds, being the pyromaniacs they are, will always find some sort of warmth.

"You're safe now," he whispered, "You're safe."

I was never safe. None of us were ever safe.

Still, I somehow managed to sleep.

When I awoke, it was cold again. The car was moving. Cole was driving.

I signed to him in the rear view mirror, How long have we been driving? Why didn't you wake me?

"A few hours," Cole answered honestly, "You needed the sleep. We're five minutes out."

I climbed into the passenger seat and watched the world go by as we stopped somewhere. A door opened.

Cole jumped out, "Where is everyone?"

The girl stood waiting was none other than Olivia, the girl from the tribe of blues.

"Natasha?" Olivia asked, "You're okay!"

Definitely not okay, but alive.

Even recognizing her, knowing she never had and likely never would hurt me, I shrunk into Cole's side. He gently wrapped one arm around me.

"Where are the others?" Cole asked.

"They left for the hit on Thurmond," Olivia told us. I froze at just the name. Must've been the fear conditioning kicking in, "They should be done right now, but I'm not green-" she sighed, "Can't figure out the computers."

I nodded, then grabbed one of the nearby laptops the greens must've kept everywhere. I was no green, but I'd learned from them quickly during my six years at Thurmond.

Ruby's in the hospital. The rest are getting ready for a press conference tomorrow with the new government leaders, who are the old senators. The woman speaking is supposed to be Senator Cruz, I signed.

Cole translated, Olivia freaking out at the news.

"I have to get to them," Olivia said, practically tearing her hair out, "That press conference is about Psi- I have to be there- Is Ruby okay-"

I walked towards her and grabbed her shoulders, before signing, You can come with us. We're gonna make it to that press conference. Get in the car.

When I got into the drivers seat, it didn't matter that we had no food left, or that I was tired and hadn't eaten anything in days.

All that mattered was the press conference and getting there in time. It felt nice to have my brain focusing on something. It kept me away from the darkest parts of my mind.

Always in the gray.

I took a deep breath and ignored Cole's pleas for me to get some rest. We drove into the sunset, on the road to our future.

That time between day and night, when you couldn't tell if the sun was rising or setting. Afterlight.