The Forbidden Fruit Always tastes the Sweetest

Chapter 33

Pic of Jade on the side

Jade P.O.V

'Dear Ashton...it's been three months now. The most painful hardest three months of my life, the most scary three months of my life. These past three months, have been the scariest of my life wihthout a doubt. I dont want to go out, I dont feel like eating, I dont want to sleep, I dont want to speak. It's as if you took everything with you. When you left you took my happiness, my 5 senses, My touch....I cant stand to have someone touch me. It makes my skin crawl, it makes my stomach clench, it makes me feel nauseous. I cant see, I dont notice the things around me anymore. I'm distracted all the time, I have a hard time focusing on various things at one time because my brain is only thinking about you! My smell...I cant smell anything else other than your scent. Than your cologne that made me go crazy with just one smell! My hearing, Ashton, I honestly dont hear anymore. All I hear every day is our conversations, our random chats, our games, our laughs, I hear you whispering I love you in my ear. I hear you saying how pretty I look or how Im your beautiful human girl. I hear you complementing me the whole time, I hear you calling my name all the time 'Jade Bear! Cutie! Nicole! Jade!' you name it. Yet you dont...because your're not here. Taste....yes, you took that away too....I dont want to eat anymore. I cant go to a restaurant without thinking of you. If I look at a certain food I will end up thinking about you and how we would practically always used to feed each other, nothing tastes the same anymore. Each food reminds me of you, of a time we ate that food together! The only reason I eat is because I have to, my appetite has seemed to run away too. You took away my mind Ashton. All I do is think about you. You're stuck in my head ever day, every hour, every minute of my life! I always wonder what you're doing, if you'r alright, if you have another girlfriend already. I wonder if you miss me? If you think about me just as much as I think about you? Do you miss me Ashton? Do you think about me? Do you think 'Oh yeah that girl Jade, the one I left three months ago. I wonder what she's doing? How is she?' Do you miss seeing me? I know I do Ashton, every night I pray that I will see you. Only if it were for a minute I wish I could see your beautiful blue eyes staring into mine again. You'r messy blond hair, your adorable dimples. The little mark  you have on your cheek. I wish I could see you in general, even if it were on a photo.Sometimes I try to draw you, but it frustrates me to not get every detail of your face correct. I always mess up and I wonder how is it possible? How many times did I draw you? How many times did I perfection your handsome face? And now its like my mind has gone blank! I cant remember every single detail... I wish I could feel your arms around me, your lips on mine, your forehead pressed against mine. I wish so much to see you again Ashton. I cant sleep anymore  because all I think is about you.Sometimes at night I wonder, was he real? Did he even exist in my life? Maybe it was a dream...a wonderful dream that I woke up to. But then the memories flood my brain making guilt rise in me. How can I doubt our love like that? How can I question your existence? Pain comes every time I think of you, of what used to be...but the pain is nice. I like to feel the pain, it reminds me that you are real. That it wasnt all a dream, that is was real and that it all happened. Are you suffering too Ashton? Or is that only me? Am I the only one living this hell? Because thats what my life is without you now...hell. Sometimes I've thought about killing myself to end the pain. But I havent because I have faith that I will see you again. Even though you visit me every night in my dreams, I want to see you when I'm awake this time. I have that little tiny ray of hope in me that I will get to see you again. Love never fails remember? I still love you Ashton, I still carry the golden necklace you gave me for Christmas around my neck, I never take of the bracelet you gave me, or even the diamond ring you gave me the last time we ate dinner together. I always wear those items. I'm very sure I will still only love you, if you thought I would forget you with time then you are wrong. The more the time passes the more I think about you. You once told me time forgets...it doesent . They say that time heals and makes us forget..but what we shared can never be erased... I brake my promise Ashton. I wont forget you, I refuse to forget you! Because I've tried, trust me I cant do it. I cant and I wont! Even if you left me like this, I have to admit...you were the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me in my life! And If I had the choice to go back and change the night I met you, I rather not. I would never change that night, because that night I met you. I met the vampire I fell deeply in love with, the vampire I will never forget as much as I try to. I will never forget you Ashton. Please, please you have no idea how much I need you. If only you hadnt disappeared, if only you gave me a sign that you are still here. Where are you Ashton? It's like the earth has swallowed you! Jace doesent know where you are, you left no trace of where you would go. Sometimes I see you, I see you leaning against your red car casually waiting for me. I see you watching me from my window. I see you laying down on my bed waiting for me to go to sleep while you stay awake the whole night. I see you in the woods, I see you sitting down next to me. Sometimes I think I can feel you, when I'm asleep I can almost feel you pressed against me. I feel your cool arms wrapped around me. Do you remember how much you used to worry that I would be cold when you touched me? Well now I can assure  you I feel cold without you. I feel cold all over my body, no matter how many blankets, sweaters, I put on. I still always feel cold. Without you next to me I feel cold all over my body.