Pixie, First Daughter of Anarchy: Book 2

Plans Revealed

WARNING: Mention of Intrusive Thoughts, Death & Angst.

"So, what do we do now?" Pixie asked Jax as he put his helmet down on the handlebars of his bike, then stepped up onto the grass verge that bordered the small parking lot and the rural park on the edge of Charming where he'd pulled in to.

"We wait, kid, either for Hale's as he's gonna track down Polly as he's got all his scouts lookin' around, or for Juice if he manages to find anythin' on Weston's PC." Jax told her, turning back around and seeing Pixie idling by his bike still, he walked back to Pixie's side and grabbed her wrist towing her up the grass verge and then to the grassy slope on the other side. The landscape looked like there had once been a big lake in the middle of the park due to the large inverted dome shape that the ground made. The lake had long since dried out and the plants had taken over it, so it was now covered in grass, meadow flowers, a few trees, and shrubs that had taken residence there instead. Jax sat down on the slope and patted the ground next to him, motioning for Pixie to do the same, which she did, if a little reluctantly.

"Isn't there more we could do? Like maybe go looking ourselves, or -" Pixie suggested agitatedly, biting her lip when Jax cut her off and put a hand over hers where she'd begun to pick at the skin on the sides of her fingers.

"Piglet, you're runnin' on fumes here, you need to rest." Jax urged, sounding authoritative and brotherly, especially when his expressions softened, seeing the way Pixie's shoulders slumped and she hid her face from him by turning away slightly. "You know I'm right, kid, nothin's gonna go wrong if you just let go for a little while." He added gently, reaching over and putting his arms around Pixie's waist before he pulled her up against him and lay down with her so Pixie's torso was resting on his.

"I know, I just feel like..." Pixie mumbled, trailing off as she searched for the right words.

"Like everything's slipping through your fingers and the more you grab, the more it flows through?" Jax filled in, knowing exactly how Pixie was feeling, because to an extent, he felt the same way. He didn't have the same pressures like fearing for his life due to Jimmy, or worrying about his past, but he had his own fears that filled in those gaps, like fearing for the future of his family and his boys, and fearing for what the club was going to look like when he finally took over, whether it was going to be in ruins by then due to Clay and the other threats.

Pixie nodded her head against Jax's shoulder, rolling around so she could face him. "Yeah, I never know what to do when things get like this, it makes me want to fight harder, but then things go wrong anyway. It happened in the months leading up to the massacre." Pixie replied quietly, her eyes taking on a haunted look. Jax put a hand behind his head so he could see Pixie better and tightened his grip on her with his other arm so she felt secure and safe, wishing he could take the pain out of Pixie.

"Tell me about it?" Jax asked her softly, knowing the people Pixie usually told this stuff weren't around, like Chibs or Tig, and Jax didn't want Pixie keeping it all inside. He expected her to shut down, shake her head or change the subject, but Pixie gave a small nod instead.

"After I was kidnapped by Jimmy and almost killed by him along with Nicky and Piper, Bruce went ahead with the deal because he was afraid, I'd die in the next attack or that more people would be hurt. He didn't tell me and kept it a secret until I became VP at twenty and I found out about the secret at the end of my first year with the patch. I discovered what they'd hidden from me and Bruce and I had our huge fight before the club agreed to stop the running. It wasn't a unanimous vote because it happened so suddenly. Tiny Mouse was against it, he tried to say that the guns were beneficial to us and that it was helping us to become more powerful, but Bruce wouldn't listen to him. Some of the other Sons did though, so the tension in the club began to get stronger. I was desperate to get the club out as soon as possible and even though we tapered the gun-running off over the next four months after that, so as not to anger Jimmy. He still got mad that he was losing his hold over us though, we just didn't know it at the time. The club got anxious during those four months and then afterwards when we cut ties completely. The longer nothing happened, the more everyone got tense and went on high alert. We had an uneasy two months of no activity from them, and most of us were scattered across the country on runs during that time just so we didn't end up going for each other's throats. Twenty-eight strong-willed Sons who can't agree is a recipe for disaster. It was also a way Bruce and I devised to protect them just in case an attack did occur, that way we could guarantee at least some Sons would survive. Tiny Mouse got very distant from Bruce and myself, I tried to repair the relationship, but he resented me, I think. During those months it felt like all hell was breaking out around us and that we were getting pushed closer and closer to our demise with no way of stopping it. No matter how hard I fought, it still felt like there was nothing I could do. It just slipped through my fingers. The Sons got tired of living on high alert during those long months. Nothing was happening and they thought Jimmy had moved on, they let their guards down. Then on the seventh month, January, it was decided that we'd have a party for Lennon in an attempt to get the club back in line. To get them to remember that they're all family and we need to stick together." Pixie finished regretfully, on the verge of tears but doing her level best to hold them back.