↳ ੈ‧₊˚ ┊͙in which [y/n] [l/n]'s two
crackhead boyfriend's have a debate
on who is the better daddy - shrek or
barry bee benson... *ੈ✩‧₊˚
A DISASTERPIECE CRACK FIC
▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄
└──» K. BAKUGO X FEM!READER X D. KAMINARI
cover art isn't mine.
...
ˏˋ🍧°•*⁀➷ "[y/n]! Come outside you dumbass!" Coochieman yelled at her from the other side of the door.
It was now the next day. Kaminari and [y/n] had a wonderful make out sesh the previous day at the park since no one was around and they were horny bastards. Though now it was the next day, and the girl sighed as she realized that the coochieman had come for her cooch on what would usually be a pretty okay day.
"Go away, I'm trying to sleep!" [y/n] frowned, her face buried in her pillow.
"Bitch, get the fuck up you crusty Cheeto-fingered asshole!"
[y/n] furrowed her eye brows. "At least my asshole is flavored."
"Cheetos are ass!" Bakugo spat.
"how d a r e you."
"I said what I said, bitch."
[y/n] grabbed her pillow, opened the door, and whacked the devil out of the creature who stood outside.
"Bakugo, I like you a lot, but you're acting like... how should I put this..." [y/n] pondered. "... A baby."
"You're the baby you whore!" Bakugo exclaimed, his pointer finger directly aimed at her forehead.
"I mean... if you prefer the term 'man child' then I guess I can make an exception..." [y/n] teased, closing her door before Kacchan could beat the Cheeto dust off of her bootyhole.
"Just remember to vote for Shrek you shitty extra."
═ ∘♡༉∘ ═
"Well class, I'm too tired to teach." Aizawa frowned. "Do whatever you want today. Tomorrow I'll actually do my job."
All the students in class 1-A watched as their teacher zipped himself up in his sleeping bag. [y/n] glanced at Kaminari, who began to pass out candy and paper. Then, [y/n]'s eyes were focused at Bakugo, who took out a homemade ballot box. A white shoebox with a cut in the center. A majority of it was ogre themed. One fourth was decorated in bee stuff.
Kaminari had index cards. He had written them the night before. The words gave him a bunch of confidence.
On one card - 'Talk about how dumb Shrek and Bakugo are'
On the second card - 'Politics blah blah blah'
On the third - 'Get laid! ( maybe? )'
Both Bakugo and Kaminari stood in front of the class.
"Do you wanna go first?" Kaminari looked at his classmate.
"Fuck yeah." Bakugo wore an evil smirk.
He coughed, glanced down at his notes, and then began to speak. "Okay shitheads, listen up. Shrek is a masterpiece. A cultural reset. He's love. He's fucking life. He's my everything. Shrek is amazing. Don't bother trying to fight me. You fucking know I'm right. That's all."
Everyone liked that.
Kaminari sighed. "Uh, so yeah, Bakugo is pretty damn sexy, but not as sexy as Barry Bee Benson, am I right? But who's not sexy is Bakugo, or as Midoriya calls him, Kacchan. Bakugo is nothing compared to Barry, who is romantic, charismatic, funny, kind, a god damn lawyer, and has a pretty girlfriend. What does Shrek have? A swamp. Clearly, this is why Barry and I should get laid. Uhh... Thank you! That's it!"
Everyone liked that.
It was a hard choice.
[y/n] voted for Barry Bee Benson.
Originally, she was gonna vote for Shrek, but Kaminari gave her candy. Plus Bakugo texted her and called her a pisshead. Sooooo—
"This is strange." She heard Todoroki mumble.
"What does this have to do with hero work??" Iida groaned.
"I-If I don't vote for Shrek, will Kacchan beat me up?!" Midoriya whimpered.
After everyone put their paper in the ballot box, Yaoyorozu was the one to count the votes. She was getting paid to do so.
"And the most popular vote is... Barry Bee Benson..." Yaoyorozu was clearly disgusted.
Bakugo began to sweat. "I'll be right fucking back."
He exited the classroom, but everyone proceeded to hear Bakugo scream and shout as he blew up a random students penis.
"CLASS IS DISMISSED SHITHEADS. [Y/N], STAY AFTER CLASS."
"Okay daddy~"
Kaminari was pretty sure he pissed his pants.
"Oi, did you vote for Shrek?" Bakugo pushed her up against the side of the classroom. She saw his hands keeping her caged up as her back felt the wall. Her breath hitched as his eyes studied her expressions carefully.
"U-Um, nO—" [y/n] was kinda turned on but scared at the same time.
"No? Does this mean you need to get punished?"
[y/n]'s urge to bust? s t r o n g.
As punishment, Bakugo just stopped what he was doing and took her snacks out of her backpack. "Bye."
"GOD DAMNIT BAKUGO."
"Do you seriously get off to that?" Bakugo laughed.
"Says you." [y/n] pointed to his .+*𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒓*+.
"fUC—"
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