Beyond the Lamppost

XXXII. Fight to Stay

Chapter Thirty-two:

X

Fight to Stay

"Al, I can't..." I shook my head. "...I-I can't love someone else. I choose not to," I lowered my gaze.

"Veri, please... there's got to be another way. Maybe what Ministress Floir's interpretation is wrong."

"No, Al. We both know that it's not wrong." I hate to admit it but after hearing Ministress Floir's words, everything in the prophecy makes sense now.

"But you could've... you could've died." Another tear falls from his eyes.

"I know," I said sadly and sigh. "I... I need some time, Al. Maybe we can figure this out with our minds not stressed out."

I saw the pain in his eyes but he smiled and started walking away from me.

For days, I did not meet him. I heard that he set out to the towns.

Some parts of the kingdom had been affected by the earthquake and we give help to the towns who had badly been damaged.

Fortunately, there were no casualties reported but some people had minor bruises from debris.

I had had a conversation with Ministress Floir again. She is deeply sorry for what she said but I assured her that I had known her intention at that time.

Then I asked her something that had me troubling for days.

"Ministress, what if the mother had the modified talent? Would there be a lower chance of...of..." I can't say those words for I felt the big lump in my throat when I tried to picture out the image in my mind.

"Maybe... it can be," she said with uncertainty. "I don't really know, princess. We only heard of one case of that situation," she sighs.

My shoulders hang low as I nodded.

"I'm not afraid of dying, ministress," I look at her and smiled. She is stunned by my words. "I almost died for a countless of times in both worlds," I paused and take a lungful of air in. "But I am afraid of what my child might feel when he grew up without a mother around him."

I look up at the clear blue sky and saw a bird flew by and I smiled with a heavy heart.

"Will he blame me for leaving him? Will he get the love and care of a mother with someone else? Would he grow up without a void in his heart? Because I have felt those emotions countless times, too. And I don't want him to feel those."

I wiped away the tears that fall from my eyes.

"I don't want him to feel abandoned with such a big responsibility awaiting him. I feared not for me, but the child. But I can't love someone else too, and I can't choose myself instead of the kingdom either. Why does it have to be so complicated?"

What will I choose?

To take a risk with my life or to risk the future of the kingdom to an unknown enemy?

Can I just save both?

***

I am here again in the castle tower. The shaking that happened was frightening but not entirely traumatizing for me. Besides, I find this place peaceful and private.

I look farther to the ocean and saw nothing but darkness.

The sky is starless but the two moons shine so brightly.

I hugged myself as the cold wind blows. Then I felt a soft fabric placed over my shoulders and I smile. Where did he get this blanket?

"I thought you are in your chamber," he said softly. "If I haven't read the note in your bed, you would've waited here for long,"