Merasmus's Haunted House Catastrophe

Chapter 3

The cold, bitter air swept past Sniper as he stepped into the haunted house, getting goosebumps due to the rapid temperature drop. It smelled distinctly of dust and rubber. Fake ghosts and goblins stared down at him with their cartoonishly large eyes and mouths filled with razor-sharp teeth. Inside there was a fog machine churning out mist, which made his eyes water. Sounds of witches cackling and black cats yowling filled his ears, as well as his fellow mercenaries who would still not shut up.

"See, I toldja I felt something reach into my bag!" Scout hissed at Demoman. "Now we can't even fight him at all!"

"Aye, is food 'n drink allowed 'ere?" Demo asked, totally unfazed by the current predicament. "Cuz I brought some o' my apple juice, and--"

"HEY! No outside food or drink allowed!" Yelled Merasmus, pointing a finger at poor confused Demo. However, his aim was off, and he ended up electrocuting Scout.

"AGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Scout screamed as his body transfigured into a pile of ash. Demo responded to his electrocution with the good ol' schadenfreude taunt.

Medic and Heavy seemed didn't seem scared either--not in a drunken way, though. They'd probably seen worse. Soldier was just completely oblivious despite getting turned to ash.

"Now Lt. Bites," he said to the rabid raccoon he was holding. "I want to you know before you piss yourself in this scary, dark place that ghosts and monsters aren't real. The only real ghosts are the spirits of George Washington and Benedict Arnold that haunt me on a daily basis."

Suddenly a wooden cutout of a ghost popped out of the wall and boo'ed at him. He screamed and punched a giant hole through it, ripping it out of the wall. Lt. Bites leapt out of his grass and started attacking one of the teens.

"Well," Engineer said to Sniper. "I guess we've just gotta pull through this one."

"Yup," Sniper said. He never showed any fear, not a flicker of it. Even if he was a bit anxious. Every time Merasmus had killed them, it was near their bases where respawn was guaranteed. Now that he was killing them in a different place, it'd be permanent.

"Alrightyyyyyyyy," Merasmus said. He approached a giant door with a big, skeletal knocked on it. The thing was covered with cobwebs and a few spiders. "Gross, get off" He said, grabbing the cobweb and flinging the arachnids off.

"And now," he said in a loud, menacing voice. "We now arrive at the first part of our terrifying journey. And be warned, those that get lost in these woods NEVER get found again. Who knows what lurks in this forest? Bigfoot? Dracula? My mother in law? I sure don't want to know!"

He creaked open the door, stepping inside. "Come in—if you dare."

"Don't mind if I do," Scout said haughtily as the other passengers trudged in.

"Hold on there, buckaroo," Engie said, grabbing him by the shoulder. "I think you and Soldier should be in the back, behind the rest of us."

"What? You think I'm scared?!"

"No, it's just that you two only have two lives left, while the rest of us have three."

Scout hesitated. Then, with a sigh, he walked to the back of the line.

The forest wasn't as scary as Sniper expected. He thought Merasmus would've at least made this portion of the haunted house scarier, but nooo, it was just as tame as the rest of the place. It was still inside, although the AC made it at least feel like it was outdoors. The ceiling was patterned with glow-in-the-dark star stickers and cute little planets with faces on them. There were trees in there, but were the fake Christmas ones. The chirping of crickets and the occasional howl played on a speaker nearby.

The only thing that was creepy-ish, however, were the werewolves hiding behind the trees. Something about them unnerved a grown man like Sniper. They were fake, obviously, but very lifelike looking and realistic, like a well-preserved taxidermy.

A wooden poster of a werewolf popped out of the wall, producing a cheap jump scare for Demo. He screamed and attacked it, pinning it to the ground and punching it in the face.

"AYE! This is what you get, yeh blubbering, two-faced, hairy son-of-a—"

Merasmus pointed his finger at him. He got electrocuted. Great, another person with only two lives.

The magician cackled darkly. "Gather around, mortals, for the great Merrrrrrasmus must tell you a story in order to continue. Be aware, this tale is not for the faint of heart!"

"Yippee, a story! I love a good tale myself," the mayor innocently said.

"I like your attitude, mayor!" Merasmus said happily before returning to his dark personage.

"Once, many, many years ago, there were a group of teenage girls who were the bestest of friends. They did typical stuff girls did—gossip on the phone, watch movies together, paint each other's nails, have makeovers, blah blah blah. Well one day, they all wanted to go on a camping trip together. They wanted to go to a beautiful forest they loved going to after high school."

A cloud of fog spread across the room. It seemed more intense than the one they ran into earlier, making Sniper cough and his eyes blur.

"Well, their parents said it was fine for them to go, so all nine of them went over to that place in the afternoon the following day. They had a great evening fishing, hiking, and looking at all the wildlife. But they forgot that, while forests are lovely during the day, they're absolute nightmare fuel at night!"

The fog became thicker. Sniper was just about to gag. Something was definitely wrong. He turned around to check on his fellow mercs, but he couldn't see them anywhere.

Merasmus cackled one again. "When night came, they all slept a little freaked out in their tents. But little did they know..."

A huge sucking noise suddenly blasted throughout the room. Sniper nearly fell down as all light was sucked from his sight.

"...the forest had a slight, eeny meeny, teeny tiny, ever so small dog problem."

Sniper closed his eyes and clutched his hand over a weapon that wasn't there, preparing to die.

Silence.

He wasn't dead. Everything still seemed very physical. He could still feel his heart pounding in his chest, every single bone and muscle in his body. When it was sure he was alive, he opened his eyes.

He wasn't in the cheap forest room anymore. No, he was underneath an actual night sky, surrounded by an actual forest. He could smell the pine tree and wood from every direction. The forest was dead silent save for the howling in the distance.

Take it back, Merasmus definitely stepped up his game this year.