Love You More (Eminem Fanfiction)

1: Nightmares

1988

!!MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!

I wake up at 3:00am to my mom screaming and crying again. God, I wish she wasn't so schizophrenic. There's nothing the doctors can do, medication makes things worse for her and therapy definitely don't help. I go downstairs to get a glass of cold water hoping I don't have another anxiety attack. I wish the anxiety pills and therapy would help more than it does. My mom comes running downstairs and I freeze. I have a feeling she has something worse than schizophrenia but I don't know what. It's terrifying. A 10 year old should never have to go through this. It's been like this since I was 4.

She walks up to me fast and knocks the water right out of my hand. The glass shatters everywhere. "H-HOW MUCH DID YOU DRINK?!"

I stare and say nothing not able to talk, tearing up, shaking more than I've ever shook, barely able to breathe. I open my mouth but only tears run down my face, no sound at all.

"LILY HOW MUCH GODDAMN IT!!"

"I-I-I- I don't know- m- most of it I-" I say finally able to find my words choking.

"WE GOTTA GET YOU SOMEWHERE- THEY- THE- THEY POISONED IT!" She screams pulling her hair almost hyperventilating.

She tries to pull me to the front door but I pull away.

"Ma-"

She starts to back away now fully hyperventilating looking for something, I don't know what.

What is she doing?

"Mom?" I say as I see her grab the gun from a drawer.

Wait-

"MOM NO ONE'S SAYIN' NOTHING!!" I yell running towards her. She pushes me back so hard my back hits the counter hard.

Ouch.

"I- ITS OKAY BABY- you hear that?!" She says walking towards me. "This'll make everything better, don't you worry. That's what they're saying, always listen to them. No more pain, no more suffering! Don't miss me, I'm always here baby. I love you Lily."

"Mo- who? What? Who's saying what?" I say crying as she crazily runs to the bathroom.

"MOM!!! NO! STOP!! HELP!" I scream as I try to unlock it, I'm too weak to bust down the door. Hasn't anyone heard our screams?! "DON'T! PLEASE MOM" Fuck this ghetto ass neighbourhood I swear to God. I wish my dad was home. He's working a night shift as a correctional officer in a maximum security all men's prison.

I hear her cock the gun. "MA! IT'LL MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE STOP PLEASE! PLEASE!" I scream. "PLEASE. I love you."

I try to kick down the door screaming but I'm too small. Fuck.

"It'll be over soon Lily. I love you baby." Is the last thing I hear before BANG!

I love you.

1 hour later

The cops and paramedics find me laying by the door curled up into a ball shaking and sobbing eyes widened.

I black out and next thing I know I'm clinging onto my sobbing dad flipping our shit as we're staring at my dead mother. Blood everywhere. So. Much. Blood.

END OF NIGHTMARE

1998

I wake up hyperventilating, sweating, and crying feeling light headed. I burst sitting up. I get those damn nightmares 1 to 4 times every 1-2 years. This is the first one I've got in 1 year, so longer than usual. They used to be every night. I go get a bottle of ice cold water and bring it back to my bed and chug it. I change my shirt as I'm only wearing an oversized T-Shirt with my panties. My shirt's all sweaty now. I start to cry. I sit there for about 15 minutes crying 'till I'm tired enough to go back to bed.

Ugh, now I cant sleep. I've always had bad insomnia. Fuck this.

My PTSD isn't as bad as it was. In fact, it's not even PTSD anymore really, mainly just nightmares rarely. I had it BAD for a good 7 years of my life but it was always on and off, I can feel it going away almost completely but I know I will always have it. I still think about my mother everyday and sure I get upset sometimes but usually the memories make me smile and make me feel better. I know she's watching over me, I can feel it. I still end up thinking about the blood at least once or twice every 1-2 weeks.

I'm not 10 anymore thank god.

After my mom killed herself I had anorexia 'till I was 18. I'm 20 now and finally recovered. I'm not 50 pounds anymore and I am, I look, and I feel healthier than I ever have before. I had and still have depression. I workout a lot but I eat and I workout to make myself feel good and I'm hot.

I want to call my dad but I keep myself from doing so. Not to talk about it or to run to daddy but to just hear his voice and talk about anything. I know he's sleeping though and like I said, I'm not 10 anymore. I've always had a very good relationship with my dad. Not so much my mom as she was always going crazy and never did nothing for me. I did love her with all my heart and I still do love her so so much. Just never spent time with her, never sat down with her, never really spoke with her. I wish all that happened though. But she was a very sick woman.

Finally, my mind starts going somewhere out of this world and I'm off to sleep.

I'm Lily Anderson. I'm 20, don't got a lot of money but I'm not poor, well, I like to make myself believe that. And I live in a small apartment in the city of Detroit. I was born and raised here and so were both of my parents. Not a lot of people seem to be able to leave this city I find. I know that's true since I'm not even able to move. And I definitely don't wanna stay here because of family 'cause I'm not close to anyone in my family other than my dad, he lives in New Jersey now. We talk on the phone a couple times a week and we see each other rarely but try when we can.

I dropped out of college the first year. And even though it's harder for me to get an AMAZING job, I don't regret it at all to be honest.

so this is technically my first fanfic cause like i said i barely got into the other one LMAO, i'm really gonna try to make this one good and more interesting even tho i ain't that creative tbh.. anywayyy don't forget to vote and comment!❤️❤️and i meannn you can share this igggg buttt jkjk hehe i'm not that far into it yet, but fr just,, think about it,, or AT LEAST think about it for later on in the fanfic😭❤️❤️anywayy this was just a little thing so you learn more about lily's life earlier on.. ik it's like every other fanfic but i also think this one is different from the other ones SHIT IM TALKING TOO MUCH SORRY BYE

FR THO VOTE AND COMMENT❤️