Little Drabbles

Odd

(TW: Hints to Abuse and Trauma)

Lucas stared at himself in the mirror.
It was the first time in days he's been able to see his own face without any tints of purple or blue.

His hazel eyes looked wrong. They weren't as dark or sad as he remembered.

He stared blankly into the mirror for what felt like an hour, though it was only a few minutes before a soft knock at the door snapped his attention back to reality.

"Lucas, hon? Are you okay in there?" The caring voice spoke.

"Uh..Yeah." The pink haired boy opened the door to greet his roommate..

"I'm okay.." He said the words but a tint of bitterness slid in the back of his mind.

"I made pancakes. They're blueberry!" The man smiled, his green eyes where safe. Lucas smiled back and followed him to the kitchen.

Chris set down a hot plate of pancakes, topped with butter and jam on the table. "You're book club start at 9. Right? I can drive you on my way to work, it'd be better then walking so early in the morning."

Lucas nodded meekly. Slowly digging into his meal.

The soft music playing from Chris' phone distracted him from the concerning and distant feeling he got from his own face in the mirror.

Chris hummed to the note of the tune and enjoyed his own plate. The breakfast was quiet..a peaceful quiet, but to Lucas it felt wrong.

"..Are you mad at me?" He spoke up.

Chris paused and looked at the smaller male "..No? Why would I be?"

Lucas stayed looking at his plate, not even half empty.

"..I don't know.." He really didn't. But he felt as though Chris should be mad.

He hadn't really done anything..but his mind was certain he should be in trouble.

Chris put am arm on his shoulder from across the table, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Hey..Lucas, are you okay?"

He didn't know if he was..He wasn't hurting. His face didn't sting. His eyes weren't watery..

Chris removed his hand "Lucas?"

Lucas shook his head "Sorry..um..I'm okay..Just tired."

The day was calm..quiet..Lucas' phone wasn't blowing up. There wasn't any yelling or fights. Chris let him pick the music on the way to work..he asked him what he wanted for dinner..even when Lucas stumbled on his words in his annoying normal way..Chirs just laughed it off and continued without any venom or spite.

No the day was good..wasn't it?

The question made it hard for Lucas to sleep that night. Staring at the reruns on the tv, the audio blurred and messed in his mind as he tried to figure it out.

When he was with his parents, the days where never like this. They were filled with screaming and anger. Misgendering and degrading of his identity. To his parents he wasn't good enough, and his timid mumbles and anxiety was an embarrassment he would be shamed for.

With Andrea, his ex, it was all a walk on eggshells. The smallest misplaced word or action would lead to the whole day becoming a tiring and often painful blurp.
His timid talking would lead to bruises and his interest in book or music to insults and implications.

He felt his eyes start to water in frustration.

Chris had helped him leave Andrea, and allowed him to move in. Chris was nothing like Andrea. He wasn't like Lucas' parents.

Chris seemingly wouldn't lay a hand on him..he'd never insult him in sincerity.

This day was good.

But it wasn't normal.

Lucas knew this was good. Wasn't it? To not go through the day feeling lesser or hurt. To lay down at night and not have skin tattered with shades of blue. This was a good thing. Chris was a good thing!

Yet Lucas' mind felt little peace. It screams and cried. This isn't normal. Chris should yell he should scream. He must be hiding something. He must hate him, why wouldn't he? Surely he must be planning something. Some sick joke. Some cruel punchline and all this kindness and respect is just a lead up.

He could feel himself shake as tears welled.

This wasn't right. He isn't supposed to feel okay. He isn't.

He rushed to the bathroom, taking another look at himself in the mirror he felt himself choke. His skin was clean. His eyes were bright. This wasn't right. He let out harsh sobs and leaned against the sink.

Is this right? Having someone care for you and tend to you. Treat you as an equal and want to help you.

Is this right?

Why couldn't it feel right.

Soft knocks on the door broke Lucas out of his thoughts, just like they had earlier in the day.

Chris' voice sounded from the doorway, the door having been left open in Lucas' rushed wake.

"..What's wrong?"

Lucas glanced at the mirror. Chris' eyes were fixed on him. Clear worry in his features. He kept one hand on the wall he had knocked and the other was slightly raised. As if ready to touch him.

Lucas felt a second rush of emotions threatening him. Without a word he spun and hugged the bigger man, tears pouring harder as he sobbed.

Chris was quiet, wrapping his arms around him and allowing him the time to vent out his emotions without judgment or pause.