Little Drabbles

Different Perspective

Emilien has always struggled. He slipped alcohol from his father as a child and never really stopped.

He spent much of his time when he was in school drunk, and boasted about how his parents never even knew.

He's brag about how he was so functional while drunk, and how it barely even mattered.

Meanwhile Jorden could recall various angry meltdowns over minor issues which would have been easily remedied had Emilien been sober and thinking clearly.
He remembered many times where Emiliem would struggle to focus or act, and blame it souly on his ADHD, despite claiming his medication had fixed all those issues already. 
He remembered various nights, where one small mistep would lead to an hour long phone call to convince Emilien that his life was worth living.

"I mixed a bunch of shit together. It's definitely enough to shut down my kidney..it's my suicide option. I'll drink it with all my pills"

Another statement that never left Jorden's head in times like this.
One that replayed louder and louder every time Emilien would drink.

"I mixed vodka with my milk and no one fucking noticed! Are you fucking retarded??"

Something Emilien said in a drunken fit of rage, which now played everytime he'd mention drinking milk to Jorden.

"I drink because I literally don't know how to like..be a person without it."

"I can't say no. If I have alcohol infront of me I WILL drink it. I CAN'T stop myself."

"I want to just drink and cut and die."

Emilien throwing up because of how badly he'd drink himself sick.
Dizzy and unable to work the next day because of the burning from the cuts he had inflicted. 

Jorden remembered Emilien's relationship with alcohol as a child.

And it was anything but fuctional.

It was anything but small.

He tried to express this to Emilien.

For years actually.

Telling him he should just drink alittle less. Or only at parties or for special occasions.

But no matter what, it ended the same.

And all those phrases and memories replayed and replayed.

One night Jorden was so scared, he asked- no.

He told Emilien that he had to stop for good.

He told him he needed to stop. And never drink again.

Because it always ended the same, and it was anything- everything- but normal.

And in response,  Emilien told him to stop meddling.

He told him to stop trying to control his life.

And the two were on shaky ground for weeks.

Jorden had asked Emilien to not say an I love you until he was willing to prove it with change.

But soon he regretted that choice.

Because Emilien never minded not saying it.
And it only hurt Jorden to not hear it.

So he caved. And begged for things to be okay again.

And Emilien agreed.

And even tried to get better.

But the way he tried wasn't through professional help.

It wasn't in the way of addressing the issues.