Overthinking

Stentorian Stares

And maybe it was crazy that I spent practically every single day on that roof, or that Fish was always there with me. Even if it was, no one knew about it except for the two of us, so it wouldn't matter anyway. The roof was something like a secret that only he and I shared and it made me feel good to know that I had something to hide.

I found it surprising that I had never noticed Fish before because he was almost all my morning classes. I also found it surprising how little I still saw of him everywhere else. Despite his tall figure, he easily wove in and out of people quickly. After those few morning classes, I didn't see him until lunch. It was days like today where Fish was in a mood that made you happy as well.

We sat under my tree like usual, as he was talking endlessly about dogs. "They really aren't a man's best friend." He tried to argue, but ended up making me laugh. "They're loud and messy and you have to take of them all the time. You sort of just give them what they want all the time so that you can make them happy." I laughed again and stared at my feet, chewing my lip.

I looked up at Fish, confused by his sudden silence. But when my eyes met his, he jumped to his feet, startling me. "I have an idea," he said with a brilliance in his tone, "let's go to the cafeteria." I looked at him like he had finally lost it so he continued, "Come on. I'm feeling spontaneous and I think that we should try something great, new, and out of your comfort zone." His face looked thrilled, and I knew right away that I couldn't say no. I mean, what could happen? Possibly nothing.

I reluctantly grabbed my things, and before I could do anything else, he had my hand in his cold grasp and was nearly dragging me to the set of double doors. We left the cold into the warm hallway, but at the moment, I wished for the comfort of the harsh breeze to again surround me. The warmth of human bodies ahead seemed to less comforting and it seemed to burn me more than reheat me.

Fish stopped in front of the next set of double doors that led to the fire, roaring loud with laughter inside. He stepped in front of me, one hand on the handle, as if ready to reveal to me something great. If only. "Breathe, kid. You look like you'll explode. Inhale. Exhale. Good. Okay you ready?" I nodded slowly. "Follow me, kid." He said as he slid by the door. I clambered after him into the crowded room. His feverish figure floated amongst the press of people laughing and talking and not possibly taking any notice at all of him or me. He led the way to the very back where there were a few empty seats.

There were a couple of people who stared at us awkwardly as we sat down. As they continued to stare as if to wonder who we were or why we were here, I bit my lip furiously. I looked up at Fish to see him give them a sarcastic wave, and, surprised, they all silently went back to their food, and in no time were making loud human noise again.

"So, how bad is this?" Fish asked me with a grin wide on his face. I just gave him a look of vexation. He laughed his exceptional laugh, throwing his head back. "I'm proud of you, kid. I didn't expect you to even get this far, but you've really impressed me," he said, crossing his arms, an accomplished look unfolding over him.

Fish always seemed like this, and as he sat there smiling to himself, I marveled at how happy was he was all the time. I almost felt a wave of envy pass over me as I wondered how it must feel to always be so happy. And in that moment, I wished that I could feel so unaffected by what people saw of me and wished to feel content about everything. Maybe I had gotten it all wrong, the way I saw the world. Maybe it was a good thing to make yourself happy and surround yourself with people like Fish.

"You okay, kid?" He asked me with a look of concern striking down his smile. I nodded, but he raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, so I gave another sharp nod. That was when the bell rang and we were both cut off by the crowd fighting for the door. He and I slipped through the crowd and left each other down separate hallways, his beam fading with him.

Naturally, I didn't see Fish until later on that day under the circumstances of the roof. But today was odd. I climbed the white ladder, and in reaching the top and expecting to find his grin waiting at the top, but finding blank white, weathered roof. I stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do before I finally sat down in the middle, tearing my book out of my bag. I flipped the book to the dog-eared page and continued to read.

I looked around me quickly. Still no Fish. I looked back at the book. It seemed like the words took flight, opening my lips to speak. But as always no sound came out. But that made me suddenly angry and in protest I forced my lips to part again. "Sometimes," rolled off my tongue slowly as I started the sentence. I stopped abruptly, surprised at myself and my low squeaking tone, and looked quickly around me. Still no Fish. I turned to the book and started again, slowly and softly. "Sometimes barriers weren't made to be crossed. But being the stubborn humans we were, we knew we had to find a way. How else were we ever supposed to understand another point of view if we weren't standing in it to begin with?"

I stopped abruptly as I heard soft footfalls on the metal rungs, and I watched carefully as Fish threw himself over the edge, completely aware that he was late. But he stopped abruptly as well when his eyes met mine. "What's new with you, kid?" I laughed inside my head as I shrugged my shoulders at him. If only he knew.

Sorry for this slow chapter, but just in case you guys haven't picked it up yet, I've so far used two extended metaphors along with a crap load of symbols. Literally if you go back and read it you'll probably find a lot more than you thought there were. Plus, please excuse my sudden need to use really unnecessary SAT words all over the place. Please leave me an astronomical/elephantine/ prodigious/ staggering amount of comments.

-Terra