I wait till I see him leave to take her to daycare it's been two weeks since I've seen him not sure if I even want to see him it'll make things awkward. I see him leaving and I head that way I get there and unlock the door I get inside and everything is still the same I'm assuming he either eats at work or he's eating out nothings out of place I go upstairs and nothing in the room is different the broken vase is still on the floor right along with the dead flowers I don't even think he's sleeping in here I walk down to the guest room that's where he's been sleeping. I go back to the room and start taking my clothes out of the closet packing them up I was so in the zone I hadn't noticed that someone came in, all I heard was Jazmyne my heart stopped a little it was Adrian and all I could say was what are you doing here? You should be at work and then we pause and we're both just looking at each other and he goes I forgot lanis bag and had to come back and get it. What are you doing here? I just simply say getting my things and continue to pack. His voice softens with a crack and say Hey can you just wait a minute and listen to me. I pause for a minute and say but I have nothing to say to you and really don't want to hear what you have to say and by the way you look like shit you need to pull yourself together. He pauses then raises his voice a little and says could you please just sit and listen to me. So I sat there with no emotion but was thinking a little bit about him raising his voice I smile to myself one of the many things I loved about him I knew when he was serious about something it's like an entire different emotion. So I start to listen to him he's telling me he's sorry and never meant for it to happen and so on and blah blah blah and I tell him that I already found an apartment and planning on moving in. His face falls and I'm sure his heart just hit the floor and he say please just come back home I'll stay in the guest room I think that's what's best for lani. I just want you guys home. We don't have to do anything I won't even talk to you. I sit there and say I thought about that but I didn't want to see you or even be near you I went and looked at apartments and got approved for one I really just had plans on moving out. He goes that's fine just don't do it now please. So I sit there and I agree but he has to stay in the guest room and it's only until after Meilanis birthday I grab the rest of my stuff and say I'll be back next week. Then I just leave I pick up Meilani from daycare. Adrian text me I ended up not reading it till we got to the house
Adrian- Where do I begin. I guess from the start. I know it doesn't seem that way but I never meant to hurt you never meant for things to go the way they did. I only wanted someone who understood the lack of Everything... Inside me. Someone who was broken someone I could relate to. You wore me down and broke me down and made me weak for you. That's not a complaint. I never meant to fall for you. It was so long since I felt that feeling, the connection. It was amazing. You know, you're the only person who consumed me like that. It was like being a real person and having a reason to be happy. Not just a responsibility or an appearance to seem normal. It was the truest thing I've ever felt.I can't change what I did, and I can't fix what's broken. I'd like to say I'd go back and change it all. Truth is I wouldn't. I'd go back and make sure it never happened. Make sure you never experienced the destruction that I caused and the heart ache. You're to perfect to have ever been put through any of that. I know the last thing I said to you wasn't what either of us wanted. But it was a necessity. All I can say is that when this life is all said and done, as I'm laying on my death bed pondering my final thoughts, they'll be why did I ever let the purest, most perfect thing in my life get away. Just please know you made me happy and thoughts and memories of our time will haunt me, as I'll never have them again. I'll never feel accepted, understood, unconditionally loved, wanted, and needed . I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that happened between us, with us. I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you and I regret the things I've done. I've lost the one girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done. Jazmyne I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart.I messed up and now I see that you mean the absolute world to me.I know sorry's not enough because I'm such a screw up.. But for whatever its worth I wanted to say, that you cross my mind every single day...The thought of you makes me smile, and I know our love was real, so I'm texting you this so that you know how I truly feel. What I really want to say is that I'm sorry, I know that you didn't deserve to be hurt like that, and I know that you will find someone who will love you and treat you right, they will make you happy and that person won't hurt you like I did.
