phantoms / joshler

3

the first real morning by himself proved to be interesting. the hot water wasn't working right, probably due to the pipes freezing from how cold the temperature had dropped to overnight, so tyler had to shower in ice cold water. it certainly woke him up, but it wasn't a pleasant way to start his morning. 

songwriting proved to be just as difficult. he was sitting in front of his laptop for roughly four hours, just staring, trying to figure out where to begin. did he even want to write anymore? josh wasn't there to be his bandmate. he couldn't be a solo act.

he owed it to his fans, at least, for one final album. he didn't want to tour for it. everyone was devastated enough with josh's passing. a tour would just be too much. but he also didn't know if the label would even approve an album after something that severe. the lyrics would be too heavy handed, too dark to see the light of day.

he was eating an apple as he sat at his desk. it was cut into pieces - to avoid eating the skin - and it was fresh. tyler couldn't remember what type of apple it was. jenna must've picked it out when they were at the store yesterday. he'd need to thank her for going with him. 

with a sigh, he reached and picked up his phone. there were a few texts from his parents, asking how moving in had gone, when could they visit, all of the typical moving questions. he opted to not respond to them and instead opened twitter. his internet hadn't been installed yet, so he was using his cellular, which was spotty due to the location. 

his timeline was still blowing up with tweets about josh. 

groaning, tyler locked his phone and buried his head in his hands. he rubbed at his hair, screwing his eyes shut, frustrated. it shouldn't have been this hard to start writing again. it was all that had ever came to him. 

"why am i like this?" tyler asked aloud to no one. he almost expected a response back. 

when he received none, he reached forward and slammed his laptop shut. the dark wood of the desk beneath him swirled from the knots in the wood, and he traced them with his eyes, hoping for some sort of comforting distraction. 

there was a knock behind him, and tyler's head shot up, looking back towards the door where the noise had come from. the door was open, but it had been beforehand. there was no one there. 

"hello?"

no response. tyler sighed. the house was old. it was going to settle over time. that was to be expected.

what tyler wasn't expecting was josh's head to appear from outside the doorframe for a split second before giving him a face and pulling back behind the doorframe once more.

"josh?" tyler called out. his eyebrows knitted together and he jumped up, racing to the hallway, frantically looking around. he was nowhere to be found. 

josh was dead.

"jesus christ, tyler." he mumbled to himself. he rubbed at his temple. "you're just stressed, is all." 

"i'm here." a voice came from behind him, all too familiar. 

tyler whipped around. nothing. 

"fuck off." tyler mumbled aloud. his mind was just screwing with him. he'd have to remind himself to tell his doctor his antidepressants weren't working as well anymore. 

moving to go sit back down at his desk, tyler reopened his laptop and half typed out some lyrics, forcing himself to think of something to jot down. they weren't great, but it was a definite distraction from what had just transpired. he could revise them later.

- 

their first official date was at the columbus zoo. they had been already been friends for two years, with their band and all, but when tyler had finally asked josh out, he had been surprised when his bandmate had accepted.