𝙄'𝙈 𝘼 𝙎𝙐𝙍𝙑𝙄𝙑𝙊𝙍³ ➣ 𝐵. 𝐵𝑙𝑎𝑘𝑒✔

33 | Back To Bardo

Miller had grabbed a spear from the chain-link fence and used it to pry the door off its hinges. It took a good minute or so, but the door eventually came loose, crashing to the ground with a loud thud. I let out a cough, shielding my face from the dust and small bits of rubble.

When I looked toward the doorway, I let out an annoyed groan. Damn, the entrance is blocked. I exchanged a look with Octavia.

"We can still get to Madi," I heard Clarke say, causing me to look at her. Just then, the girl pulled out a vial from her jacket pocket. The vial contained two small blue pills. Clarke went to put one in her mouth, but Gaia stopped her.

"Clarke, we have to think this through."

"Gaia's right," Octavia added with a nod. "Only the second pill's for me. We're gonna need an inside man."

She means Levitt. As much as I hate this idea, I know I won't be able to stop Clarke. She gets her stubbornness from Abby, just like me. Clarke nodded toward Octavia, handing her a pill. "Good. Let's do this."

I bit the inside of my lip as Clarke brought the pill to her mouth. Just before she could swallow it, I spoke.

"Clarke..." The girl looked at me, so I let out a sigh. "Listen, I know that no matter what I do to try to do to stop you, it won't work. But, just-- just be careful, please."

The girl nodded and I turned to Octavia. "You, too."

Octavia nodded as well before the two girls simultaneously swallowed the pills. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion after a few seconds when nothing happened to them.

"Cadogan disappeared right away," Clarke stated, looking down at her hands. "Why isn't this working?"

"Maybe somebody has to be waiting in Bardo to pull you through."

I pursed my lips as I looked over at Clarke. The blonde girl looked like she was about to cry before her expression changed to one of anger. She walked toward the rubble blocking the doorway, grunting as she tried to clear the way.

"Clarke--" Indra tried, but the girl interrupted her.

"We have to get to Madi. Cadogan could be digging into her brain right now."

°°°

I have no clue how long it's been since Clarke and Octavia swallowed the pills. I bounced my leg impatiently as I waited with the others for something to happen.

"My inside man is sure taking his sweet time," Octavia muttered in annoyance before Indra suddenly spoke.

"We should discuss the plan," the woman stated. "Clarke and Octavia bring us over. We get Madi and kill their leader."

I raised my hand in the air, "I second that plan."

"Killing Cadogan won't change anything," Gaia spoke.

"He can't chase us if he's dead."

Gaia glared up at her mother. "You've seen faith, mother." The girl hopped down from her spot on the ledge surrounding us. "You kill the commander, another takes her place. You kill the Fleimkepa, another takes his place. Faith doesn't just die. It gets carried forward. Cadogan's people are no different."

I looked to my right at Miller as he took a step forward, holding his vest in his hands. "Then how does this end?"

"Bellamy asked that question, too," Octavia butted in, causing me to cringe at the mention of him. The last time we spoke wasn't the most pleasant. I wish it could've ended differently. "One last war, and then we transcend and we become the light."

"It's a beautiful idea, but fighting is not how we get there," Jordan said. "War is a failure of everything, which is why it's a test, not a war."

I heard Hope let out a sigh of annoyance. "Test, war, test, war. The disciples have been studying the Bardo texts for over 1,000 years. You really think you know better?"

"Yes. And it's not just that I read some old books. I felt it... That red sun toxin showed me something. I couldn't figure it out, but I knew it was important. And then I read the Bardo texts, and it hit me-- the next step in human evolution. I don't claim to fully understand it, but... In my heart, I know there's a purpose to everything. And we don't find out what it is by killing each other in another war... I just wish I could have told Bellamy."

"Nonsense," Clarke suddenly spat. I looked at her as the girl stormed past Octavia, going up the rotunda. "All that matters now is saving Madi and killing Cadogan. There's no last war or test. Bellamy's dead because he believed that crap, and I've heard enough!"

I clenched my jaw at Clarke's words as Gaia followed the girl to the top of the rotunda. Sorry, Clarke, but Bellamy's dead because you tried to keep Madi safe. As much as I love Clarke and as much as I know she tries to do what's right, there is still a time when she makes the wrong decisions.

And I think killing Bellamy was the wrong decision. Maybe if we had held him hostage or something we could've tried changing his mind. Just like many other times, Clarke acts without thinking about the consequences; she acts without knowing how it will make others feel.

I balled the hem of my shirt in my fists as I felt my anger start to rise. If Clarke wouldn't have killed Bellamy, maybe things would be different right now. Maybe Madi would still be with us. Maybe the explosion wouldn't have happened. Maybe-- just maybe-- Bellamy and I could've fixed things between us.

°°°

"Hey, you alright?" I slowly looked up to see Octavia looking at me. I said nothing, only giving her a nod as I averted my gaze from her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the girl sit beside me. She was silent for a moment before speaking. "I miss him, too, you know... I heard about everything that happened to you to get to Bardo. I'm sorry."

I pursed my lips, feeling a lump in my throat. I shook my head, my voice breaking just the slightest. "I'm a monster..."

"What are you talking about? Aiden, you are not a monster... You were angry, and you lashed out. You thought Bellamy was gone."

I shook my head as I turned to the girl, holding back my tears. "It's like-- like I don't have any light left inside of me, Octavia. All of it just disappeared after Bellamy died... I just want the pain to go away."

The girl said nothing as we sat in silence. Above us, I heard Gaia and Clarke's voices get louder for just a moment. After a few seconds, they hugged, probably talking about Madi.

I squinted my eyes when a bright light beside me caught my attention. I looked at Octavia to see she was turning white; the pills. They're working. All of a sudden, Clarke and Octavia turned into a white smoke cloud before disappearing.

"What now?" Miller asked curiously.

I let out a sigh, wiping away a tear that managed to escape as I spoke, "Now we wait."

°°°

Only two more chapters left you guys!! Holy shit, I'm gonna fucking CRY MY DAMN EYES OUT!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! We got a nice moment with Octavia and Aiden. I mean, I thought it was kind of nice. Seems like Aiden isn't totally okay with the fact that Clarke killed Bellamy...

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all in the next one.

Buh-bye.