The Differents | ✓

T W E N T Y - F I V E

I felt a little guilty for watching Sniper when I should have been resting, but I didn't feel tired and I didn't really want to move anyway, so I didn't. Instead, I focused on his face. Just like the rest of my teammates' appearances, I knew and remembered it well. We hadn't been a team for a very long time, but if I don't dislike someone, sometimes I may actually go out of my way to remember that person's features.

Sniper had always felt mixed emotions about his eye colour, but I had always thought they were really interesting, and they were one of the things that first caught my attention the first time I met him. He said having grey eyes just made him more Different, but I don't think he should have cared so much. And anyways, just because you're Different doesn't mean you're bad, I had told him. He had simply laughed and said to tell that to the Masks. As for the rest of his features, they were equally as interesting. He may have been a skilled killer, but he was quite an attractive one.

Feeling my face heat up, I dropped my gaze and focused on my hands. I didn't like feeling something for another person, no matter the feeling. It made me feel disorganized and out of control, like I was giving that person too much power over me. I preferred to stick to myself. The less people you allow in, the less people can hurt you.

I didn't always like living that way. It was lonely sometimes.

Closing my eyes, I tried to organize myself again. I wanted to start over now that I was free of the Core, and I wanted to let go of the constant fear of being perceived as weak. I wanted to be my own person and not worry about what others thought. This was an opportunity to do so.

So with a slow exhale to calm myself, I accepted the fact that humans have emotions.

When I opened my eyes again I felt better about myself. Simply acknowledging the fact that sometimes I won't be fully in control made me feel lighter, and it made me want to see what else I could do now that I was free of the Core. Even though the air was cold, I left my jacket inside the shelter and went down to the water's edge. Dipping my foot in, I concluded that the temperature had definitely dropped since night had fallen, but if Sniper could go in so could I.

I heard some splashing ahead and Sniper came into view as I was taking off my shoes. The moonlight flickered over him as he waded in and out of the shadow of the trees and came toward me. I felt my face heat up again and tried to focus on my shoes.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No, not really," I replied. "I woke up and you still weren't there so I was going to go looking for you."

"Well I was here most of the time," he said. "The water's cold but it's really beautiful and clear."

"But it's dark out. I can barely see anything."

"Not underwater," he replied, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "Come, I'll show you."

I decided why not, and since I had learned from experience you would be less cold after swimming if you wore less clothes, I waded into the pool in my underclothes, glad that it was still dark out. The temperature surprised me again, chilling me immediately, and my teeth started chattering.

Sniper was ahead of me, treading water. "Start moving. It will warm you up a little."

"Thank you for that," I replied sarcastically. "I had no idea." I pushed off a small ledge of rock I had been standing on, and swam into deeper water. After a few seconds of moving my limbs around, I started to feel a little better. "So, what is it that you want to show me?"

"It's over here," he replied, swimming toward the far side of the pool, where the waterfall was. I followed him, making sure to not get too close. I still felt a little muddled when it came to him and as much as I wanted to just accept them, it takes time to unlearn all that you've learned your entire life about feelings for other people.

It's not that they told us not to care about anyone else, though. They just didn't tell us much at all. We learned about the fine line between caring for someone as a friend and as more than that, and where the latter can go too far. They told us that when society started over, they got rid of the main seven traits that had caused the downfall of the old society -- envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride, sloth, and wrath -- and had taught the new society how to avoid these things. During the few lessons we had about the seven traits and confusing emotions, they told us that it was okay to feel emotions toward others as long as they didn't brink on those seven emotions. I hoped the confusing things I felt toward Sniper weren't any of those, but at the same time I was kind of hoping they were. I didn't know what it was like to feel extremely strong emotions and there was a part of me that kind of wanted to know what it was like.

About halfway across the pool, I slowed down and treaded water, thinking about the day's events. I wanted to stay mad Sniper, but at this point I didn't even know why. I guess that by staying mad at him over something that was probably my own fault anyway would have distracted me from everything else going on with him.

He stopped swimming a few moments after I had, probably hearing the regular sound of the water change or some other tiny detail, and turned around to look for me. "You coming?"

"Yeah," I said, slowly swimming over. "I just... I wanted to apologize. It wasn't fair, the things I said earlier and I'm sorry for saying them. You can't change who you are no matter how uncomfortable it makes me and it's not up to me to try to push you into a box just so that I can breathe more freely. We have to make room for each other, and... and we have to accept who we both are. I know that now."

A small, slightly sad smile made its way to his face. "Thank you."

"You're not mad at me or something?"

"I was never mad at you. Was I hurt? Definitely. But I accepted long ago that there are parts of me that will make some people turn away and I just can't change that. It scared me when I saw you acting the way others have, but I hope that you can see through all that. I hate that people get scared away by something that was forced onto me and now can't be taken back, but it is what it is. I'm just happy you're still here."

I smiled. "I will make an effort to get used to your super ninja skills if you'll make an effort to put up with me, deal?"

He laughed. "Put up with you? If this is what putting up with you is like then that won't be very difficult at all." Turning his head, he looked around for something ahead and then gently reached for my hand and pulled me along. "We're almost there. It's just over here."