Author's Note (IMPORTANT!): Welcome. I please ask that before we begin, you watch the video link provided, as it will play an important role in the story. The video will only take two minutes of your time, and I also please ask that you watch it when you're relaxed and able to be in the moment, so you can mindfully observe any thoughts and feelings that naturally arise. If you are at school or work, or somewhere you'll be distracted, I kindly ask that you wait and find a time that fits more appropriately, perhaps before bed or early in the morning, where you'll be able to have your full interpretation of the footage. The video captures pictures of postcards from the 1960s and what they look like today, which created sensations within me that are very hard to explain, but I believe I may have come to some philosophical answers after extended research and self-reflection on prior life experiences. Enjoy the story.
Okay. Assuming you've read the author's note and watched the video, let's take a quick check-in before diving into things. Scan your body briefly and notice for any tight spots. What are you feeling right now? What sensations are arising? Remember, there is no right or wrong answer here—everyone is going to be different in the way they perceive things. Maybe some of you are surprised. Maybe some of you are sad. And maybe some of you might be happy. Again, there's no right answer.
But for me, personally, I have never had a piece of art or anything like that affect me the way those photos did. The teenage pop music in the background seemed to go along nicely, too—at least to me—but also left feelings inside me that I can only recall having a scarce amount of times in life. It was so hard to describe, which has led to the telling of this story. I sensed an overwhelming feeling of sadness and emptiness roar within me, but more than anything, a complete loss of control.
I started to panic at the realization of what I was witnessing. My whole body flooded with waves of anxiety, as my brain desperately tried to hold on to any self-created beliefs I had about myself and the world as we've come to know it. It had come to my attention, right then and there, that the exact same things were going to happen to us one day. We're all going to grow old and die. Death from old age is simply inescapable, no matter how much we may deny or try to avoid it. No one has ever found a cure for death, and no one ever will. This isn't just a belief or an opinion. This is a FACT. You. Will. Die.
For some of us, we have come to accept this, and place it in the back of our mind for later when that time eventually comes. For others, this can be deeply unsettling, and understandably so. Nobody knows what it feels like to die. No one has ever come back from the dead to write a book or tell a movie about their experience. The uncertainty of the unknown can be overwhelming at times. To die would be like to be born again—we simply wouldn't be able to remember any of it.
Little did I know at the time, that what I was experiencing while watching the video is known as ego death. Or as others may call, a spiritual awakening. I mostly learned this through my smoking of cannabis and usage of psychedelic drugs and meditation, but also through a dense amount of research and self-reflection (of course, while I was high). It is our ego that defines who and what we are, how and when we say. To not have an ego would almost be like to not have a brain. And to not have a brain would be like to not have a soul. Everything from my past, from my very first blink of life, to that very second, for a brief moment, was all numbed out. I was in a state of absolutely zero control.
Now, compared to other experiences I would have in the future, this was only a smaller ego death, but it was still enough to shake me up and be forever planted in the back of my mind. After I eventually settled down, as my ego began to gradually return, I thought more about how and why I'd experienced these events. It gave me great fear to have no control over my thoughts and feelings. It was something I didn't wish to experience in the future. Little did I know that it would have a great impact on my overall happiness and outlook on life itself.
