"I love you. But I was too terrified to admit it to myself, to the world-to you." He said as we were seated under a sycamore tree in a bench where a tantamount of our fondest memories were made. There were times when we'd play with pebbles, enjoy snow cones under the summer sky, make funny faces as we finish three packs of sour tapes,-until it came to a point were we were talking about the feelings we harbor for others. The present time is five years after the last conversation we had which was a venue for "should-be" goodbye session that became a moment of awkward i'll surely be missing you and I wish we would not part ways glances and half-smiles. He silent after the last sentence he said and I too was awed.
"Why just now JC? You know how I feel?" My voice full of anguish and sadness. "If you were fearless enough, ugh, we wasted emotions and time for other people!"
He interrupted me, " I was so fearful." His voice cracking.
"Do not talk to me about fears. You cross the street 6 times a day. You put your life on a tightrope just so you reach the other side of the road because you have to be there. Even if there are cars and motorcycles who could end your life right there and then, you choose to cross the road even without an aid because that's the only choice you have. You ride the train alone at midnight-half-awake, half-asleep, not thinking that a bunch of addicts could stab you or a thieve may take you away of what you have. You were fearless because you had no choice. Your dad wanted you to be a lawyer but you fearlessly broke tradition and decided to be a medical practitioner because it was what you wanted and you always fought for what you wanted. I have known you for a lifetime and I thought that was enough for you to be fearless. But I was wrong, you were fearless in all things imaginable yet you remain to be fearful on things that matter regarding me. Now that I took a leap of faith and fearlessly gave my heart to someone, you comeback telling me that you love me and now you are ready to throw that fear away?" I told him.
"Alliyah, please." He was already sobbing. "I thought I could live without you." He added.
I stood up from the bench,handed him a white handkerchief with my name embroidered on it, and said, " I am fearless, you are fearful, We were probably the right love, yet you chose to not take the risk. You may be fearless now JC, but I am sorry, I have to be fearful and I have to concede. You could live without me. See, it had been five years yet you're still breathing." I smiled and left.
