Falling for a Warden

Part 3 Returning from Crestwood

"Inquisitor. A moment?" Blackwall asked. Without waiting for her answer he stalked out of camp. 

Adaar set down her cup of tea and followed him, a growing feeling of dread rising in her stomach. He didn't use her title anymore. Not since the day she had made him sweet bread in the stables.  

They had been in Crestwood for some days now, helping the locals, stopping the undead and killing bandits. They finally met with Hawke's Grey Warden friend yesterday and he'd set them on a course to the Western Approach far to the west, in Orlais. With everything done, they were finally free to return to Skyhold. But Blackwall had been tense from day one. Adaar swallowed her apprehension.  

Blackwall finally stopped at the lake, quite a distance from their camp. Reaching down, he picked up a stone and held it in his hand. 

"Why did you tell that woman not to join the Wardens?" Blackwall asked, not meeting her eyes.  

"Blackwall..." 

"She deserves a chance. A chance to prove she is better than her circumstances. She deserved a chance to be part of something bigger than herself. And you dissuaded her. Why?" 

He threw the pebble in the lake and watched it disappear beneath the calm waters with a large splash. Ripples spread out, racing across the surface, some finding their way back to the shore. She had never seen him angry before. 

"Wardens are disappearing. You heard what Stroud said in the cave. Blood magic..." 

"Don't search for excuses." Blackwall turned on her, his anger changing his eyes. Making them harder. Unapproachable. Adaar retreated a step, backing away from his rage. It came as such a shock. And he was right, she was making excuses. The woman had been saved by the Wardens. They fought and killed corpses to protect her, an elf. Adaar could understand why she would want to join them. They had only encountered Stroud days later and it was only then that Adaar had learnt the Grey Warden Commander was turning to blood magic to counter the blights. That the Grey Wardens in Orlais were terrified beyond reason because they had all started to hear the Calling - the cruelly sweet song that signalled their death was nigh. 

"Blackwall," Adaar tried again. She moved a step closer to him. "I don't have any explanation that you would accept. I don't have an excuse." 

Blackwall turned his back on her again, staring out at the once again calm waters of the lake. His fists were clenched. 

Adaar sighed. "I had a bad feeling about it," she tried to explain. "Her joining the Wardens, I mean. I cannot explain it. Until we find out where the Wardens are and what's happening to them..." She trailed off. She didn't know what to say. Had too much to say. "I'm sorry, Blackwall," she whispered, cowed by his anger.  

Adaar turned away and started back towards the camp. She didn't understand how her emotions could control her so. She had never before allowed anyone's anger to humble her. Even Tully, the leader of her mercenary band, knew never to raise his voice with her. But Blackwall's anger cut deep into her, bruising her soul.  

"Inquisitor," he called.  

She stopped, but refused to turn around. She was not weak. Words would not hurt her. She was the Inquisitor.  

"Adaar" he said, softer. He was behind her, she realised.  

Silence.  

Do not turn around. 

"It's not my place to question what you do, I suppose." 

His words rippled through her, calming her own, sudden anger. His fingers brushed against her arm. A fleeting touch, extinguishing the last of the flames. Her shoulders sagged slightly.  

"I have always trusted my instincts," she found herself saying. Calm. "They've never led me astray." She turned around and found his beautiful green eyes. There was a small distance between them but she felt as if the lake could fit in it. Fit in the space their words had created.  

"I have a bad feeling about the Wardens at the moment," Adaar confessed. "And that was before Stroud. I can provide no other reason for dissuading the elven woman from joining. Not that she'll listen. There's a stubbornness about her." She bit her tongue, breaking the gaze. "The same stubbornness you have." 

"Ren." 

Her name caught her by surprise. She had never liked her name, preferring to be called by her surname. But to hear it spoken from his lips. It rippled through her, tugging at her heart. Chipping away at her walls even further. She couldn't admit the truth. Not yet.  

She turned from him. "Maybe you should question me more, though," she said, surprised at how calm her voice was. "It will keep me grounded."  

Then she walked away. He didn't attempt to stop her.