Cussed (Kacchako)

Update 10-29-2020

Hey guys, I know it's been awhile, so I figured you deserved an update. Yes, I am still planning on writing this; no, I haven't dropped it or abandoned it. I read all of y'all's comments and they honestly make me really happy. I always want to respond, but then I feel guilty that I haven't updated in so long and I let that anxiety get the better of me.

Things have been really rough on the personal front for me recently. In January of 2019, my father was diagnosed with lung and bladder cancer. He's been going through chemo and radiation, the normal cancer treatment stuff. He had been doing really well, but this summer he lost all of his stamina. My lease was ending in August, so I told him I would move in with him to help him out.

The treatment destroyed his immune system. He got an infection that wasn't caught because he didn't have any normal symptoms (fever, area warm to the touch, etc) because he didn't have enough of an immune system to mount an immune response. I took him to the hospital, he was there for about two weeks, then he came home and I had to give him meds through a midline for another two weeks. He went in for another chemo treatment and the infection came back and he seemed confused. So it was back to the hospital. That was the end of September.

His doctor called a few days later. Outside of the infection, they think the chemo caused swelling of the brain (this is a known side effect). The doctor said they didn't think the damage could be reversed and with how confused he was, the medical power of attorney went to me and I had to make the decision for him to move to hospice. Because he needs 24/hr attention, he's in hospice at the veteran's hospital. And, because of covid, I don't get to see him. They can't tell me *when*, but they have told me that he won't be coming home.

So! I've got that and I've been trying to put his house back in order and since the brain swelling caused confusion and memory loss, it's been triggering my grief for my mom who died almost 4 years ago from early onset dementia. And I've been trying to get a job and do online classes.

So...yeah. Not exactly the best headspace. And I'm sorry to talk about such depressing things, I'm sure a lot of y'all read to escape shitty real life stuff. My problem is, when I write when all this stuff is swirling in my head, it comes out in the writing and that's not really the mood I want for this story. There's going to be dark and depressing elements (sorry? lol), but not *that* type of dark and depressing.

I do think about the story each day, and I try my best to sit down and write at least a few sentences or take notes about ideas that I have. I'm about a third if the way through the next chapter. I wish I could tell you when I'll have it done, but I honestly just take each day as it comes and I don't know whether I'll have a good day or a bad day.

Anyways that's an update of everything going on here. You guys are really great and I appreciate all the positive vibes you've given me about my writing. Thank you so much.

On a totally unrelated note: we've got 5 days until the US election. Voting is super important, so often our representation doesn't properly reflect our country's values because our voter turnout is absolute shit. 60% is considered good turn out here, and young people are the least likely demographic to vote. I can totally understand why young people are disillusioned by our government for various reasons, but you are a really strong voting block and your views and values matter just as much as the elderly vote (the demographic with the highest turn out). So please, if you're in the US and over 18, VOTE!! Some states allow same day registration, if you go to howto.vote you can find information by state. It will tell you if you can still register and where and how to vote.

I know covid is still raging, and if you've got underlying conditions you need to be extra careful. Wear a mask, bring hand sanitizer and alcohol, social distance, spray down the voting booth when you get there, but please please please VOTE. Vote for whomever you want to, vote for whichever party you want to, just vote. And vote for every office, down ballot races are just as important as the big ones. Don't be scared if you feel like you aren't informed enough to vote.....people who think the earth is flat vote, so you're smart enough to vote. Just do it.

Alright. I'm out, its 6 am lol. You guys have a good Halloween. Thanks for reading.