Between Us [H.S.]

Goner

It had been way too long since I had slept so much, but especially since I had not rested as I did tonight. Yesterday's talk with dad, and the day with him in general has given me the feeling of a new beginning. It's true that I've always been a daddy's girl, my relationship with him has always been much closer than with my mother, that's why amongst other things, I went to live at such a young age in a new city with him. 

The relationship with my mother was never special, there was never a connection, I always felt that she saw me from the outside, while with my father I felt that he could really see me, that I was understood by him. 

It's funny that daddy issues are always mentioned, discussed, joked about, but yet nobody talks about the mommy issues that exist and in a very high percentage. They don't talk about how obsessed and insecure you can become about your body image if your mother doesn't aprove you or if she doesn't give you positive reinforcement of any kind. You become an overthinker and someone who's always looking for external validation from others  since you don't have it at your own household. As a result of the relationship with my mother, I also became overly sensitive, since everything she said to me affected me more than it should because every word came from a place of disapproval, and I started to become secretly very clingy to other women who gave me any dedication or appreciation, which I think affected my own sexuality. 

I started acting way too mature and being quite independent since I didn't have her love and support and all I wanted to do was for her to see me like a grown woman from an early age.  I started giving people so much until the point I could go out of my way to satify them an that sometimes even hurt me.

My trust issues became stronger since when my dad wasn't around I felt like I couldn't believe anything or anyone that wasn't my mother's critisism towards me, that's why I also struggle to mantain emotional conections and even when I create one, they fucking cheat on me.

And last but not least, since I wanted to impress her with everything I could do so I could obtain a bit of that fucking mother love I desperately looked in her, I tried to be the best at everything all the time, and it's something that still hunts me to this day, fuck I lost friends just for seeing everything as a competition.

So talk about daddy fucking issues.

I look at my phone to answer Alex since yesterday I was too drained to chat.

Aleeex

[22.56] Hey! Sorry to bother you this late, didn't know if I should talk to you or not haha

[22.56] Are you down for some greek iougurt another time this week, maybe?

Chloe

[11.07] Sorry didn't see the message last night xx

[11.07] Sure! I'm free tonight if you wanna grab somethin for dinner 

He texts almost immediately.

Aleeex

[11.09] Sounds good! 

[11.09] I'll be out by  22.00 if you don't mind waiting and havin a late dinner

Chloe

[11.10] Thats fine by me

[11.10] I guess I owe you since you've waited so many years for me...

Aleeex

[11.10] hahaha cocky bastard