I'll Catch You || Johnnyboy

Chapter 006

(Okay so in the last chapter, I lied twice. Once, when I said I was going to start updating quicker, and twice when I said I was done with the angst. Nope. This shit is boutta be depressing as heck xD But!! Bear with me, I ~promise~ that the fluff is coming soon :)) As for the first bit, I'm going to try my best to write a bunch this week, but no guarantees. Peace~)

Johnny Pov

He was kissing me—oh God, he was, it wasn't a dream or anything like that, it was real, it was here and now, and his lips were so soft and wonderful, even better than I'd imagined. My hands went instinctively to his chest, wrapping my fingers in his torn shirt, pulling him impossibly closer to me, the heat of his body suddenly all I needed. His fingers went to my hair, running through my curls.

I was in heaven.

And then suddenly, a horrible thought occurred to me. What if he was only doing this out of pity? Was it really so obvious that I was head over heels for this boy that he would kiss me out of compassion? What if he didn't really love me? Ugh, who am I kidding. How could he? I'm pretty fucking pathetic - if it weren't for him, I probably would have bled out on the floor this morning.

As much as I wanted, oh God, more than anything, to call this gorgeous boy mine, I knew it was dangerous. Even if by some miracle, he really felt something for me, we'd constantly face beatings and hatred and judgement. I couldn't bear seeing Ponyboy in pain because of me.

I have to let him go. Even if it fucking kills me.

I pulled away. "Ponyboy-"

"No... no... oh, damn it Johnny, I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself, I got carried away, you probably hate me and I'm so, so sorry..." Hearing his voice breaking tore me apart inside but I tried not to show it. Be strong for him, Johnny, I told myself.

"I can't do this. I-I'm sorry. I-" I love you, I started to say, but stopped myself. Those words were forbidden now. "I have to go."

"Wait, please Johnnycakes, I just got you back, please don't make me lose you again!"

The words felt like a knife in my heart, but I forced myself to untangle from his muscular arms and get off the bed. Stars clouded across my vision as soon as I was standing up, and I stumbled back, collapsing onto the bed, nearly passing out. "Pony..."

"Damn it Johnny. You lost a lot of blood, we need to get you to the doctor." I squinted through my blurry vision, confused. Why would he help me? I'd hurt myself, and then I'd hurt him, I didn't deserve his help. I sure as hell didn't deserve his love...

"Don't... you don't have to... help me. Or love me. I-I'm only going... to hurt you, Pony..."

"No, no, don't even say that Johnnycakes! Don't you dare. Johnny," he paused, voice breaking, "I love you so much. And I know-I know you don't feel the same way. And I promise if it makes you uncomfortable I'll never kiss you again. But listen, I can't just walk away from the person I love most in this world. So I'm going to take you to the hospital, and we're going to get you some help, and then after that you never have to speak to me again. But I just need you to be safe. I can't lose you again. I can't."

I stared at him in shock as the world started spinning around me. "I love you too," I whispered, and then everything faded to black.