So most of everybody I know would most likely get upset by somebody saying something that will most likely not affect them in three years. But there is a large chance that the person getting upset will affect me in three years so it is in my best interests to defend them. And also there is an even larger chance that they prefer when other people are happy, meaning that they would like it when I am happy so being happy makes them happy. And them liking people to be happy increases the chance of them trying to perform actions that make people happy or behave in a way that tends to make people like their mood more. So because they try to make people be happy it is only fair that they should also be happy. And although the moment will most likely be completely insignificant in three years it is best to make sure that they remain happy until then. So if somebody said something that was hinted even a little bit towards insulting a friend of mine, I either jump into defensive mode or change the subject. When I act defensive I am sometimes very subtly hinting that I do not like what they say and advising them not to say it or I am going to directly address that I found what they said offensive to a person I know and that they should not say that or I will act anywhere in between. What I react even more strongly too is if somebody says something that could be offensive to an entire group of people. If somebody I am friends with uses "retarded" as an insult multiple times I will most likely say "that is not a bad thing. That is not an insult. Do not say that" or something of the sort. Or sometimes I will just change the subject because I feel uncomfortable. I'm trying not to do that anymore though because I am one person and they would be offending an entire community. I will not usually act hostile because a majority of the time people aren't aware that it is offensive to an entire group of people. If the person asks why they should not say that I will most likely explain describing words that sound like definitions but are just things that I made up at the top of my head. However, if somebody I don't know very well uses gay or retarded or something of the sort as an insult or acts in a way that might even be a little bit offensive to a group I will directly address how what they were saying was offensive in a sassy or sarcastic or somewhat rude but mostly always calm way. If I am having a day where I am just tired and my automatic response to everything is just *sigh* then I will most likely just give off the strong impression that I dislike what they are saying, which often ends up in them not understanding that and me acting very awkward and wanting to be away from that situation.
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Notice: although I think what I say after this is worth reading, none of it relates whatsoever to the chapter title
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Sorry, I don't usually revise or read over this and now it's 4
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I KEEP TRYING TO SLEEP BUT THEN "B B BE CAREFUL MAKING WISHES IN THE [DUN DUN] DARK DARK"
AND THEN THAT NECK SNAPPING SOUND AND THEN "I'M JUST DREAMING OF TEARING YOU APART"
AND "SO LIGHT EM UP UP UP LIGHT EM UP UP UP LIGHT EM UP UP UP I'M ON FIRE" "MY SONGS KNOO00oo00OO WHAT YOU DID IN THE DAaAAAaaAaaaAARK!"
AND MY MIND IS LIGHTING UP WITH BUILT UP RAGE FROM THE PAST ABOUT MONTH AND A HALF
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The day of silence I held was really strange. I never really thought I was that talkative because I never usually find a way to word what I really want to say. But the day I tried to actually not talk I realized that I say it all anyway even though I don't end up actually putting it in a way that makes sense or makes it sound the way I want. And even I thought I never had anything to say until I couldn't say anything and wandered past a building with an odd mark on one of its walls or something and I wandered past it REALLY wanting to say something like "there's a water droplet that looks like a butterfly on the wall" and then I always tell these stupid random stories in an attempt to keep the conversation that is LITERALLY GOING NOWHERE and then I end up repeating myself about fifty times on accident. So when I was silent my communication mostly consisted of snapping and pointing and wild hand gestures and arm movement. I tried for most of the day not to write out messages or send texts to anybody because I thought that defeated the point a little bit. See the thing that was difficult about the day of silence was that my head was figuratively EXPLODING with all the little built up things that I wanted to say all day and if I ended up just texting it all to a friend then that completely takes away everything that was difficult. Considering conversation, I used to interrupt a lot, but now I do it less because that was the thing that I absolutely hate it when people do it but I can't stop doing it myself. But anyway it's really frustrating because there are so many stupid little things that I want to say. That's what's frustrating about texting sometimes, through text or calling it doesn't feel right saying "oh there's a dog over there I'm going to go pet it" or something like that. I'm kind of horrible at starting and ending conversations oops. My skill for keeping them going depends on how comfortable I am with the person. If I'm uncomfortable I will try to keep the conversation going because I can't end it. But I will end up sounding really stupid, clingy and desperate. At least that's how I sound when texting. In real life I just sound a little bit awkward. If I am very comfortable with the person, the conversation will be stupid but fine and comfortable. Via text it's usually really really stupid and sometimes uncomfortable. But that's when I am good at ending conversation. Depending on the person, I can just say "gtg" or "bye loser" or just not respond. Oh and loud sign because now it's a quarter to five sigh.
YOU ARE READING
What is on my mind
Random(Not about flaming cats, just late night ramblings) I probably won't update often because I write most of this at 3 am and I sleep more often now but I write at 3 am because that's when I get bored and end up actually writing the thoughts and you mi...
