what makes us tic

chapter twelve

"welcome back" alicia smiled down at me, her hair tucked behind her ears.

"I'm sorry Ali" i looked up at her and sat up in a slight panic, staring at the hole i punched in the wall.

"it's okay drew, I promise" alicia hugged me tight, taking advantage of the ten minutes after I wake up that's tic free.

"I don't want to hurt you ali" I shrugged her off me and stood up off the bed, sitting down on the couch and dropping my head between my knees.

"What's up with you? I know you worried about this before but you still hugged me" alicia sat down beside me and hugged my arm, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't talk, I can't move" I turned to alicia and swung her on my lap.

"Ten minutes of peace isn't enough" i said as she rested her head on my chest, her body pressing against me.

"I'd rather of ten minutes of peace with you than nothing at all" alicia looked up at me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"alicia..." I whispered, pushing back her hair behind her ears.

"try not to fall in love with me" i snickered and alicia laughed, shoving me playfully.

Seven minutes. seven minutes without tics ended as my head jerked to the side, alicia quickly rolled off my lap.

Just as quickly as they started they escalated, my tongue began clicking and my right hand curled into a fist and started hitting my left hands open palm.

"you want to go in the kitchen to find something to eat or go out?" Alicia asked as she walked over to the door and opened it with a sweeping gesture.

"we should also swing by your house to get you're clothes and say hi to ellie" alicia said as she followed me out of the room.

"I'll *oOoO* d-d-d drive" I teased, letting alicia catch me slightly as I tipped backwards.

"very funny, hi girly!" Alicia said as we turned the corner and saw fleur sitting at the kitchen table and eating a bowl of cereal.

"Look! Lucky charms!" Fleur pointed to her bowl and stood up in her chair, sitting right back down after a glare from alicia.

Alicia walked over and hugged fleur from behind, kissing the top of her head. Fleur laughed and jumped off the chair, running over to Drew while laughing hysterically.

"fleur!" Alicia panicked quickly and scooped her up, resting her on her hip.

"I'm *bloop* sorry *no* sorry fleur" i tried my best to not physically tic so I wouldn't scare her, squeezing my hands together but still jerking me head.

"Quick hug?" She asked, seemingly unfazed by the tics. She reached her arms out towards me and smiled, missing most of her teeth.

"May *june, july* maybe *bloop* later" i ticked and punched my chest, then slapping my face as fleur watched with a terrified look.

"I'm sorry - sorry - sorry flower *oOoO*" I reached over and tickled her cheek, which seemed to make her happy.

"okay, let's go we're burning daylight" alicia said as she put fleur down and walked over to the front door, slipping on her sneakers and grabbing the car keys.

As I stepped out the front door i punched myself in the gut, winding myself with ease.

"ahh fuck *bloop* one sec - sec - second" i sat down on the concrete step and attempted to catch my breath.

"take your time" alicia sat down next to me and leaned closer, the smell of her perfume catching the wind.

I finally caught my breath and stood up, walking towards the car as alicia rambled about her math class.

just as I was about to get in I saw an old woman walking her small dog across the street. ever since my tics first started dogs always triggered them, even if they weren't barking I barked at them which eventually led them to bark.

"Arghf, ruff ruff, bark!" I broke out into barking and the old woman snapped around and looked at me with a death stare.

I quickly got into the car, embarrassment flooding over me as alicia waved as an apology. My knees bounced up and jammed into the glove department.

"Home first?" Alicia asked as she pulled out of the driveway, her little beads dangling from the rear view mirror.

"Let's *oOoO* get it - it - it over *under* with" I said as i slammed my head against the rest, the metal squeaking.

"Your dad will be working, you won't have- " alicia tried to reassure me with the best intentions but only succeeded in making my tics worse.

"Dad! Murder!"

"He's a cunt! A cunt!"

"Papa bear! Grizzly!"

"okay, readyyyy?" alicia asked as she pulled in front of my house and unlocked the car, looking over at me and smiling widely.

"yep *NOPE*" i opened the door and stepped out, crouching down so my head wouldn't hit.

I grabbed the spare key off the top of the doorframe and stuck it in the lock, the cold air blasting in our faces as we walked in the house.

Alicia closed the door behind her, from what we could see the house was empty. The furniture was all the same, white and plain.

"Welcome home!" I ticked, and kept repeating it as I followed alicia into the kitchen.

"Soda?" Alicia asked as she pulled two sodas out of the fridge.

"I'm *fuck* not *fuck* all - all - allowed" dad wouldn't let me have soda cans after I shook one, dropped it and it exploded.

"Alicia!" Ellie's sweet voice came from the front door, kicking off her shoes and running to hug alicia as i took a couple steps back.

"Drew?" She asked when she saw me, hesitant of me as mom and dad taught her to be.

Ellie didn't remember me before I had tics, I was 13 when they started and she was only three. Now she's six and her only memories of me are scary ones.

"What are you doing here?" Sam turned the corner and scolded me, his arms crossed. Sam was only 5'10 but always acted like he could overpower me with ease.

"Just *bloop* came *cum!* to - to - to" I started to talk but sam rolled his eyes, death staring me as he pulled ellie closer to him and backed away from me.

"just stop drew, dad left you in the hospital for a reason" Sam scooped up Ellie and turned his back to me, just moving his neck slightly so he could look at me.

I jerked my head back and punched my chest, clicking my tongue and blinking hard. Sam was looking at me like I killed someone, I was no longer a person to him.

"Look at yourself drew! Ellie's scared of you" he shouted and alicia stood up, walking over to me and grabbing my hand. 

"S - s - s - s - Sam I'm *bloop* *oOoO* sorry (SORRY)" I begged towards sam as alicia whispered in my ear.

"Don't apologize to him, he needs to apologize to you" alicia shouted, grabbing the attention of Sam who turned around with a bright red face of rage.

"He's your brother! He's your brother and all you do is berate him, make him feel terrible" alicia caught me as i slipped backwards and helped me sit on the floor.

"He's never done anything to you except exist! You're a terrible person" alicia pulled off her hoodie and held it behind my head.

"I - " Sam stuttered, couldn't speak and in total shock as i stared into his eyes.