what makes us tic

chapter two

my dads voice woke me up, banging on my door again and again.

"drew! get the fuck out of bed!" my dad yelled from the other side of the door.

"coming *cum cum in*!" i respond quickly and jump out of bed. the first tic of the day caught me off guard, my back arched backwards and threw me off balance so i stumbled to my knees.

sam walked into my room after hearing the bang, he was the only one who ever checked to make sure i was okay.

"you good man?" sam smiled and walked over to help me up.

"fantas - **OoOo** (thwap)" i needed my fucking meds, it was only going to get worse.

sam grabbed the pills off my nightstand and the sedative.

"take the sedative otherwise dad is going to beat your ass" sam told me. i hated the sedative, it made me feel so numb and i couldn't fully process anything around me. adding to the fact that it barely fucking worked.

"can you tell him i will be down in a minute *just a minute, a quickie*, i'm going to take *it off* a shower" i asked sam as i walked across the hall to the main bathroom.

i walked down the floating glass stairs hanging on for dear life onto the cold metal railing. my brain had a funny way of wanting to throw my body down the stairs every now and then.

"drew, make ellie breakfast" my father ordered me from his leather armchair. he knew i couldn't make breakfast, the last time i tried i burnt my palm, wasted three eggs and spilled a shit ton of milk.

"yes *no, fuck* sir" i answered as i walked with my head down over to the kitchen, the pressure unbearable inside my head.

i hit myself in the chest twice, then threw my head back. my mop of brown hair was now tousled and messed, that was inevitable.

"fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off" i said, my voice was strained and painful.

i put the pan on the stove and waited for it to get hot, i pulled the eggs out from the double door fridge and quickly placed them on the marble counter.

"hot, it's hot" i shouted as i slammed my hand down on the pan, burning it.

"no shit you fucking dumbass" my father yelled from the living room as i raced to the kitchen sink to put my hand under some freezing cold water.

i flung the water three times "it's raining" i said as the water splashed on the floor, pooling around my feet.

"sam go help your retard of a brother before he ruins the fucking kitchen" my dad ordered my brother and he obeyed of course, no one disobeyed my father.

"i thought the sedative was supposed to make it better?" sam whispered under his breath as i sat on the cold linoleum floor, legs hugged into my chest trying not to have a panic attack.

"this is fucking **oOoO** better" i said between gasps of air, my lungs screaming out to me. it wasn't sams fault he didn't know how bad it had gotten, i just wasn't around enough for anyone to notice or care.

"alicia's picking me up soon" i tell sam as i glance at the clock. we had plans to catch up on our revision as we had midterms in two weeks. i find it best to distract myself when i'm about to have a panic attack.

"where are you going?" my dad hears me and demands to know. he peeks his bald head out from the top of the newspaper, his bushy eyebrows in a constant furrow.

"probably just her *she/her pronouns* house" i answer right before i slap myself in the face. my cheek stings and turns a bright shade of red.

"her poor parents" he mutters under his breath and goes back to reading his newspaper.