Taekook Oneshots

The White Wolf 🖤

~Alpha tae
~Omega kook
~Sad ending
~mention of cross dressing and suicide
~just a small additional detail about a/b/o
~This is a shitty mess. So... hope u wont regret reading it like i do .^.
~Oh! I did not proofread it! Sorry ;-;
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You know?..

People ask; Why are you so sad and depressed all the time?

My classmates, my cousins, my siblings, even my parents. They all ask.

But how can i not be?

How can i not be when from the second i open my eyes in the morning i feel useless.... unwanted.

How can i when in every second of the day i hate myself more and more.

How....

I get up in the morning feeling like shit. Go to the bathroom to freshen up; only to feel more down by the disgusting reflection of myself in the mirror.

Feeling like throwing up from the fat and scars on my body is see as i change my cloths.

Scars that tell unwanted stories. Memories of my school years. Every day. Getting beaten up physically; mentally and emotionally too..... which hurt more... at least for me being the sensitive fool.

Changing my outfits more than 10 times; only because I'm never satisfied with my looks.

Not with a simple shirt and jeans. Not with a leather jacket and black jeans. Not with sparkling dresses. Not with skirts, shorts or overalls. Not even with the school grey uniform that no one wears.

Nothing makes me satisfied. Nothing makes me feel happiness and confidence to even step out if my room with.

Getting my stuff and phone. I plug my headphones to block sounds. To isolate myself from the world.

Its Better.

Listening to random meaningless songs and rhythms is better than hearing laughter and chats around me.

Because i always think they mean me by there looks and talks. My brain is my worst enemy. That is for sure.

Whenever i see someone looking slightly my way, laughing while coincidentally looking my way, talking silently, or something like that; the voice in my head takes it personal.

I hear this voice telling me that they are talking about you. It just goes like "Hey, look at them. Whispering about how fat you are" which makes me unconsciously lower my shirt, close my jacket/hoodie, or look down at my cloths to see if there is anything wrong with them.

Or "Can't you see them laughing? They are laughing at your stupid braces and glasses. You look like a disgusting nerd" which also makes me take my glasses off, close my mouth and breath from my nose. Or at least try to cover my face with the cap or hoodie.

Its always like that. On my way to school. On my way to get groceries. Wherever i go. It became to the point where i am in the house. With family who always 'remind' me of my fatness.

They are the best. The best parents. The best humans. The best friends anyone would want to have. They want my benefit and happiness. But the way is sometimes hurtful too. Even if not intended...

Stepping inside my school is the worse; being surrounded by teens my age. Having no group of friends or at least a friend to go to and distract myself from the thoughts.

The only help is the sounds coming from my earphones. Which unfortunately stops when am obliged to take them off.

After spending the day full of anxiesness and flashbacks, i get back home only to face the same as the morning walk.