Taekook Oneshots

Why?🖤⚠️ pt.1

Why is it so hard to find or feel love? Why does everyone leave you once you get close to them.

Why can't you have a single person that makes you feel safe, that makes you feel at home, that makes feel full, that completes you?

Why can't we find that person early in young age. Where we need them the most?

I have this person. He was with me last year at school. He was my best friend.

My only friend...

I felt my heart beats getting faster when i saw him. I was so nervous to try to get close to him or talk to him. But i wanted to. So bad.

I am already socially awkward and anxious from my past school years. It was so hard to even say hi....

But that changed when he looked in my eyes and greeted me ever so kindly. His smile was like the sun.

It made my heart jump from happiness.

Slowly we became more and more close. And I was experiencing feelings that i have never felt before. And mostly; i was happy....

I saw myself wanting to be with him all the time. Wanting him to stay with me. I wanted him to never leave me. I wanted to hug him, to sit next to him, to talk to him, to look onto his eyes, to play study laugh cry with him.

It was and still all new to me.

But sadly i found out he had a girlfriend... i was so sad. I cried many nights for that.

And i still didn't know why....

I thought i was his friend...so why am i feeling like this?....

As time passes more, i felt him getting more distant. He wasn't answering my massages. Not talking to me at school. Not sitting next to me or greeting me.

He was always there when i had a fight with my sister or mom. He was there when people would make fun of me or bully me. He was there when i had all my panic and anxiety attacks. He was there..... but not anymore

He was ignoring me at times. And I was so hurt.

But this was not at all new to me. Actually, I am used to it. I am used to have friends only for them to leave me or betray me. I am used to cry every night for hours. I am used to feeling hurt by other's words or actions.

But this hurts so much.

It hurts my heart the most....

Time passed and we all stayed home. Quarantine.

......

He didn't answer or talk to me for 6 months....

After we stopped schools and stayed home i tried multiple times to talk or reach him... but when i did he ignored me.

The only time he answered, he said hi. And then went away again.

Now we are again back to school. But he is bot here. His friend said he went to another school to finish these two more years before going to college in another country. (We are in 11th grade)

So i have no chance to see him....

I asked the same friend of his to send me his number and she did....

But when i talked to him, he ignored me when i said my name.

He was online. He answered the "unknown". But ignore me when i said my name.

....

I don't know what more proof should i get to know that he doesn't want to talk to me.

I don't want to believe that even though its crystal clear.

He hates me.
He don't want me to be his friend
He don't want to talk to me.
He ignores me.
He hates me....

But CAN'T i still get it? Why do i still keep defending him and saying he has other important things to do so he has no time? Why do i keep telling myself that? Why do i make myself believe the false?

Why am i acting like a desperate bitch who just wants attention from a boy at school? Why do i still want to be his friend so much? Why do i still want to see him? Talk to him? Walk home with him like before? Why do i so badly want to be with him?

Why do i love him?

Why CAN'T i forget him like i did with all the others in my old school? Why do i need to be like this?

I know I am ugly.
I know I am fat.
I know I am annoying.
I know I am clingy.
I know I am a loner.
I know I am socially awkward.
I know its hard to like someone like me....

I.know!

But why dies it still hurt?

Why CAN'T i be liked? Why CAN'T i have friends?

Just why.....

I hate it. I hate so much. I am so tired of it.

I am still 15 for fuck's sake. I am still in 11th grade! I am still young!

Why can't i have at least a friend to hang out with? To have activities and sleepovers with? Why Can't i have this close best friends to share secrets and moments with?
Why do i have to feel so lonely?

Why...

Why did you have to do this to me Taehyung?
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Hey... I am sorry for the long break. My life is a literal mess right now. School is back. My brother is travelling. My house is all upside down now. So I am sorry.

This is something i wanted to just get out if my chest and since i haven't uploaded in a long time i did it as a short sad Oneshot.

I am sorry if it is horrible and nonsense. Also because i didn't want you all to get bored and hate it that much, i made it a taekook one at last. So hope that helped a little with it.

I really hope that nobody thinks of this as a way to get attention or pity. It is just a coincidence. I wanted to write this and get it off of my shoulders a little AND its been so long since i wrote or published a story. So its two birds in one stone.

Since we are back to school, this will probably become a normal thing for me to upload more slowly. I don't know when will i be free or in a state of writing.

I really expect people to unfollow or just not care, but hope you all good luck in your school, work, or life in general. Stay safe and thank you for reading~♡