𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 | 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄

14. bellamy's pov

hey

Echo was acting completely unreasonably and immaturely and I hated it. 

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask her as the meeting ends, reaching for her arm in front of me. "What's going on with you?"

Her head spins around towards me. I see tears on her cheeks and I wipe them away slowly with my hand. "Echo, what's wrong?"

She shakes her head and hugs me tightly. "Everyone hates me. Everyone. And now I'm acting like a bitch because no one wants to treat me like a decent human being."

I feel like there's something she's leaving out, but I don't ask any questions. Instead, I pull near me, tighter and kiss her forehead. "It's gonna be okay. People are gonna see you for who you really are. I love you, got that?"

Somehow, the words feel like a lie. I love you. Truth be told, I had almost said someone else's name after saying those words. Clarke's name. God, I was such a terrible person. How can I do this Echo? How can I lie to her face? I mean, I do love her, but not the way I love Clarke.

She nods slowly and sniffles. "Yeah, I got that." She leans upwards and kisses me, smiling when she pulls away. "I'm gonna go find Emori. Go spend time with your daughter."

I smile and watch her walk away.

I turn my head and see Clarke talking to Marcus Kane, crying, Aurora and Madi next to her, holding her. 

I decide to slowly walk over to her. "What's going on, are you okay?"

Kane looks around, grabs my arm and pulls me a few feet away from them. "Clarke's mom," he begins. "She became addicted to these... these drugs that they had in the bunker. She would steal from the medical wing and from people who really needed it."

Oh, God, I think. I take another glance at Clarke and her head's buried in the crook of Madi's neck, her arm around Aurora. I take a deep breath. "Where is she? Where's Abby?"

"She looks like crap right now," Kane says. "She's got dark circles under her eyes and her hair's a mess. She doesn't want anyone seeing her."

"What did you tell Clarke to have her crying like this?" I ask, glancing at Clarke once more. She looks like she's pulling herself together, wiping her tears.

"I told her that Abby was angry at her and that she didn't want to see her. Ever," he says, meeting my eyes. I had gotten taller than him during the six years we were apart. Either I grew or he shrunk.

I shake my head in disbelief. "Is that what Abby told you to tell her?"

He hesitates, but nods. I sigh deeply and swallow. "Take me to her."

He shakes his head this time, "Bellamy, she doesn't want-"

"I told you to bring me to her," I say suddenly. "So bring me to her." 

"Okay."

Kane leads me to the end of the crowd, stopping at a small grey tent positioned toward the moon. 

"Did you tell her-?" Abby stops midway when she sees me, and her gaze averted mine. I can see why she doesn't want anyone seeing her. Her hair looks like it hasn't been brushed in days and she looks like she hasn't slept in a while. I look at the tiny orange box in her hand, containing three pills. 

"Marcus, what is this?" Abby asks, looking down. "I told you I didn't want anyone seeing me like this."

"Bellamy insisted," he says, crouching down to her level and tilting her head toward his. "Besides, you should hear what he has to say."

She nods and sighs, closing her eyes, and then, slowly, making them meet mine.

"What do you want to say?" she asks.

"Don't do what you're doing to Clarke," I begin. "Before Praimfaya, she wanted to speak to you one last time before we set off to the Ring. That's all she wanted, but we lost the signal before she could talk with you and say goodbye in case either of our groups didn't survive."

"Bellamy, I don't-"

"Listen!" I say, losing my temper a bit. I take a deep breath and continue; "I don't think she cares what you look like right now. But like a coward, you're staying back here, too scared to face her either way."

"But what if it's about what I've done and not about what I look like?" she says, a tear falling down her face. "What if I think I don't deserve her? That she'd be happier without me?"

"Abby, all she needs at the moment is her mother, and I don't think she'll love you any less if you've done something bad," I reply. "Clarke's a good person. She sees the best in everyone. Whatever is going on with you right now, she'll help you get through it."

Abby smiles, and nods slowly, getting up and hugging me. She pulls away and looks me in the eyes; "Clarke is so lucky to have you."

I smile. "I'm lucky to have her." 

I think of Clarke's smile. Of her laugh and the way her entire face turns pink when she blushes. I think of her jokes and her humour and her intelligence. No, I think. No, you're with Echo, shut up.

As I watch Abby walk away, I feel Marcus nudge me. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

"Who?" I ask, for a moment thinking he means Abby.

"Clarke."

Yes I do, I think suddenly, but I shut myself up. I'm with Echo and I'm happy. But then again, am I happy? Am I really okay with the fact that Clarke isn't the person I see every day when I wake up? Am I okay with the fact that I'm willing to lie to myself about my feelings for her.

"If it takes that long for you to come up with an answer," Kane begins, "I don't even think you need to respond." He pats me on the back and walks toward where Abby and Clarke were hugging, both with a huge smile on their face. I can see Abby crouch down, studying both of her granddaughters. 

Is it so bad that I'm maybe in love Clarke?

Is it so bad that I don't and do want to admit it?

Will it feel good to admit it?

"I'm in love with Clarke Griffin," I mutter to no one in particular.

i know i haven't updated in a while, but if you look at my conversation area, you'll know why. my dad's coming back home in a few minutes, so here you are :)