Blood in the streets, Embracing My Darkness

Chapter 12

I know I should be easier on May I mean she is carrying my child but with my dads passing it's bringing up past problems I want to keep buried so I start walking outside and down the street, to the bar I go here to think now I was always told not to drink because it might bring up old feeling with my dad but truth be told I don't feel anything I haven't in a long time I don't know if I ever did maybe I'm just so good at faking it I started to trick myself too I go and sit down on a stool at the bar and wave the bartender over and ask for a beer I feel like someone is watching me but I ignore it I have a couple of drinks and pay then I go to leave as I'm walking in the ally to take a shortcut back to the house I can't be out too late or may will have my head I feel someone following me I turn around and it's a girl trying to catch up to me "what the hell do you want why are you following me!" I yell at her she steps back but doesn't look fazed by me yelling "well I saw you at the bar and thought you looked cute I was hoping you'd approach me but when I saw you leave I knew I couldn't miss my chance of talking to you" she said and licked her lips trying to be seductive to anyone else it would have worked but to me it just looks embarrassing "leave me alone i'm not interested im happily married" I said holding up my ring trying to get her to leave but she didn't take no for an answer and stepped closer putting a hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear "are you sure you seem stressed and she'll never know come on im sure i can show you a lot more fun than she can." i roughly said " no get the hell away from me" as i shoved her away from me and she fell to the ground and hit her head on a rock and went limp i immediately freaked out and checked her pulse there was none she's dead i just killed someone what do i do i can't say it was me no one would believe me i would go to jail i need to hide her body i carried her through the alley and threw her in the dumpster i walked home trying to process what just happened i shut the door to the room quietly trying not to wake may "what the hell did i just do oh no what the hell just happened what did I just do? Why do I like what I just did? Nonono I can't like what I did. Why do I want to do it again? Oh no what did I just do" I said barely above a whisper. I looked over at may sleeping peacefully i can do this this is insane i have a wife and i kid on the way i cant like that i killed someone it's probably just the adrenaline from the whole thing i get changed into my pajamas right as may starts to wake up "hey oliver is that you" she said rubbing her eyes then putting her glasses on "yes baby i'm home sorry i was out so late" i said "you can apologize later right now just come to bed im tired and i think the baby knows you aren't in bed he keeps kicking and waking me up he's probably wondering where you went" she said and i chuckled "are you keeping your mommy up because you missed your daddy" i said as i put my hands on her large stomach and he started kicking like crazy "see i told you i swear hes a daddy's boy or girl he or she is always in a fuss if you aren't here" she said crossing her arms and pouting "okay baby in coming to bed" i said and kissed her forehead and walked over to my side of the bed and layed down i shut off the light now i'm left in the darkness to think about everything that just happened what am i going to do