Fight To Forgive

Reaching Out

I just want to help you, what can I do?

Unconditional friendship. These are the words a sufferer so wants to hear. It matters not who the sufferer is or what their pain is, in their dark, lonely and painful world these words are like a bright, clear shining beacon. These words offer something great, Hope.

Reaching out can be a two-way street where one sufferer shares and helps another. Such a selfless task. It can be that the person reaching out is or was a fellow sufferer with the same problems, or someone who has experience of a totally different pain, but just feels and understands or just a normal person who felt and recognised the others suffering and simply wants to be there, share and help.

Many times, the intensity of reaching out and all that happens is so great that the people involved form a very strong bond, almost a love for one another. It transcends all borders, it's just a special thing that cannot and maybe should not be explored, just let be and let it happen. In the end this bond could be a joining of soles that is so bright and intense, that once whatever the reason for this coupling is at the end it burns itself and the link/relationship out and the pairing go their own way knowing something special just happened. On other occasions, so bright is the connection that the paired couple develop a true, very deep and extremely personal friendship/relationship out of this. This will be as deep as is humanly possible on the friendship scale of life. This could well be a lifetime bonding, but it will be something special, be it face to face or crossing technological boundaries.

I guess that there may well be unwritten rules in the reaching out process. Writing with an understanding from both sides of this transaction it can be recognised that sometimes, like ordinary friendships or relationships, after the original buzz/feelings of it pass, one of the parties will realise that this is a poor connection, it isn't working. It's too scary for them or it could have an adverse effect on their lives.

In the normal world of boy meets girl, girl meets girl, boy meets boy kinda world, these relationships are easier to break and walk away from, and apart from possibly a few tears or a little emotional disturbance life goes on as normal.

These 'Reaching Out' kind of unions are very different. The person who is reaching out can form a strong bond quite rapidly as trust, faith and belief become a major part of this attachment very quickly. One thing here is for sure, both parties will fully recognise and understand if things are not working out. At some point, the sooner the better, a conversation will need to happen to talk about how this partnership seems to have issues. If at all possible, it is best if the person reaching out is the person who brings this to a close, although emotionally very hard on them, it's the cleaner exit that does not worsen or deepen the original issues with further pain and misgivings about asking for help again.

It's a difficult thing that is asked for here and a very responsible role to be acted out. Should anyone ever reach out to you, think very long and very hard about it. Only take this on if you are prepared for the full road, short or long and be prepared to dig deep of yourself. The end results are pure. The end results are special and the emotions at the end on both parties is quite indescribable.

Both parties may realise during the period of reaching out that there is a true friendship growing in their somewhere. Somehow this needs to be discussed to find out if this is mutual, sometimes both people just 'know'. My suggestion here is, if this happens, let it be. Let it grow and develop and reach fruition. I can promise you that if this matures, you will never have such an intense, beautiful and meaningful relationship/friendship in your life. It will be extraordinarily special. From my understanding this would almost certainly be a mental friendship, I believe that if these were ever to form into a physical relationship that this bonding will probably shatter and collapse. This would be such a loss to both sides.

I think that there is no explanation as to how these reaching's happen. To be honest, it makes no sense to me. They kind of just happen out of the blue when looking for help is the last thing on anybody's mind.

I, personally have been involved in both sides of the equation. The strange thing in both of these cases is all of us were a little cracked, a little (at least) free spirited and in love with life.

In the first case, there was a person where I was working at the time who was having very strong personal and emotional problems. We worked on the same team and had a lot of chat and banter at our work pod. We started having the same lunch breaks and had great fun and laughter. I had no idea or inkling of what was lurking in the head or under the skin of this person. One day I was a few minutes behind for lunch and when I went into the staff restroom my workmate was in tears and her body was shaking. The pain and suffering were just flowing out by the gallon. I just sat with her and said absolutely nothing making her aware that I was there and nothing more. Eventually we started talking, well she talked and I listened. At this point in time, someone talking to me in this way and trusting me so much was very rare for me so I made sure to be there – the two-way street.

We were almost always on the same shift, and for weeks when we went to our homes, on the way to the tube (underground railway), we very often stopped for a drink at a local bar. We could be sat for minutes or hours just chatting, most of the time about nothing, but the serious talks were hidden or part of the fun talk. After a long time she bounced from the bottom and became herself again. Almost re-born. In the end there was one evening when we left the pub and were on the way to the tube something happened. We stopped walking, turned and just looked at each other, not moving or talking for quite a while. Unspoken words were racing between us in the silence, then for the first time we fell into each other's arms and kissed and hugged and kissed a lot more. We had fallen in love. A strong, powerful and unquestioning love.

If anyone knows me, this was how I met Alison. The greatest love of my life, the greatest loss when we parted. Life has a wonderful sense of humour. One of the main contributing factors in our breakup was my demons. Whereas when we met, her sadness and pain was open and in plain view. As for my troubles, even I had no real clue what my issues and pain were at that time, it was only when looking back many years later it all fell into place and was clear. We were too scared to talk, I was too emotionally troubled and weak to talk. In my case we didn't know what was happening or why.

The second case is where I was the one calling out. Well, this one is ongoing and some of this calling is covered later in this book. I will be sharing what I am planning to write with this friend to ensure they are ok with what I will write.