❝ 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘦𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘦, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴. ❞
Park Ye-jun was a quiet kid. Smart, but reclusive. And one in his life was his eter...
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she watched him take his last breath
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and thought of how selfish she could be
༻𖥸༺
THERE WERE TIMES WHEN JU-HEE thought that things will look up, that in spite of the ominous cloud of gloom that strove to instill foreboding in her bones things will come to pass and the sun will once again shine upon their lovely bubble of ignorance and protection.
She knew those were mere childish notions spurred on by a mind of innocence, untainted, uncorrupted by the workings of the world, but the side of her一the hopeful side一strove to always be the rainbow to her brother's rain and she knew, that by some extent, she achieved that goal.
But she ended up truly loving his uncaring self, unresponsive to negative comments and snarky in his comebacks, but gentle and kind, acting as if a mere touch of his fingers could break her.
How could they, when he handled his instruments with such care.
Ye-Jun was aloof because he cared too much, he felt too much and dreamt of the stars that he pointedly knew he could never touch.
As months passed, Ju-Hee could see yet another chain adding itself to the bundle of shackles that bound him in place, collars of proverbial ownership reigning him in, preventing him from desiring to become more.
Often times she cried at night, mind filled with thoughts of her brother and how this cruel, miserable world was undeserving of him and his light, how she desperately and fervently prayed to any god, higher power or divinity to take her brother to a better reality.
It was barely now, staring in those cobalt eyes that always hid themselves behind thick rimmed glasses, watching the light dimming from them, that beautiful flame of acceptance and love and purity being snuffed out and stolen away that she realised how unprepared she was, how desperate and naive she had been.
"Hey Ju-Hee... You've done so much for me and I'm not worthy of your care, but I just want to say, you're my hero."
She was no hero. She was a selfish, despicable and pathetic human being. She had no right一absolutely none to be seen as such by this gentle soul.
She was crying, desperately trying to stop the bleeding but not knowing how and she panicked and cried and pleaded knowing full well that she must remain calm, but she just couldn't.
She couldn't remain calm like he always was, she couldn't detach herself from her thoughts and simply allow objectivity to rule her like he did, she couldn't be so selfless and let him go.
His shaking hand brushing back her frazzled hair was her undoing and the soft, loving smile on his face shattered her.
How can you be so calm?
Do you want to leave me?
Am I not good enough anymore?
Do you hate me?
Am I not your sister?
Please don't leave me.
She could no longer feel his heart beating, his pulse was gone and so were her senses. She cried and cried and begged to all that was above to allow her to be selfish once more, to give him back and let her try to free him from his hackles.
She didn't see the ambulance arriving, she didn't hear the policemen trying to calm her down, she didn't notice the paramedics attempting to examine her brother's body.
She just cried and cried until her eyes felt like bleeding, until her voice went raw, as if not used in decades and until she finally took sight of his life essence staining her hands.
She wanted to...
She didn't know what she wanted to do.
For she already screamed and shouted to the heavens, cursed all known gods and her tear well had dried up.
She felt empty.
Why did he do that?
Why did he save her?
Was she worth that much?
She felt worthless.
Why was she alive now?
What was she to do?
For what will she live now?
She felt lost.
Why did he have to leave her all alone in this unforgiving world, deprived from his warmth and care, left only with shallow looks of admiration...?
Ju-Hee loved her brother, with all his flaws and imperfections so out in the open. She admired him and desired his attention in any way she could get it and now she will have naught.
How did that saying go?
You never know the worth of someone until you loose them?
But Ju-Hee knew, she knew how priceless he was, how impossible to replicate and genuine his heart was.
