The Band Bible

Chapter 8

"Alright Clay, it's time for your new bae", Arielle smiled brightly, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Already? What the fuck?" I snarled. She rolled her eyes and dropped her hand.

"Look I get it, you wanna be a scrawny white boy who don't need no man, but this all has to work out, got it?" She said firmly. "Yeah, whatever. Is it someone I'm actually gonna like this time?"

"Well Corey's pretty great, so", she shrugged. "Well okay, I'm getting tired of this though. When I agreed to this, you said you were gonna help me find my cinnamon apple. I don't wanna have to go back to Farmersonly.com again. These rednecks should not have their own dating site", I looked down at the ground, remembering that horrible girl who lived on a goat farm. I've learned I'm not into bestiality all that much.

Just then, my body started to shiver a little bit from the dreadful memory. The goat's brown eyes stared into my soul as it chewed grass so causally. When it started eating my pants, I should've known something was wrong.

"You had the flashback with the goat again, didn't you?" She smirked. "Yeah, please never take me to a farm. Ever."

"It'll be okay Clay, Murray the goat wasn't all that happy either", she patted my arm. "Murray took one look at my-", I managed to say before Arielle cut me off. "DON'T. EVEN."

"Please put another image in my head before I start crying", I begged.

"Do you remember Hammy the squirrel?" She laughed, slapping her leg. "YOU HAD TO BRING THAT UP, DIDN'T YOU?!"

"Hammy- HA! That squirrel, oh my god- HAHAHA! He was- HAHA! The gayest squirrel- HAHA! He had that nervous condition- HAHAHEHEHE!" She fell on the floor laughing, not being able to breathe. "I fucking hate you."

-

"Ayy ma nigga!" Corey called out across the band hall. "Really Corey?" Mr. Schmidt said, looking annoyed as he picked off some lint from his purple dress shirt. "Sorry", Corey said with a look of shame on his face.

"Oh my god bitch, do I have something to tell you?!" Corey exclaimed. "What?" I asked. "I was lookin' for my shoe and I went in the locker room and some bitch put my damn shoe in the ceiling! Like seriously? What the actual fuck? Everybody just wants to piss me off and try me I swear."

"Wow, that person's, um, a douche?" I said, almost in the form of a question. "Hell yeah they are... Fuckers", Corey shook his head in disgust.

"Where's Jared?" I asked. "Whachu worried about that nigga for? Damn, we've been with each other for like two hours and you're already worried about other hoes. Bitch, what about me? What about my needs? What about what I want? Why does no one care?" Corey started to sob.

His eyes began watering and his chubby cheeks were turning as red as my butt when- never mind. "Corey! Get your shit together! Clay stop being an asshole", Arielle demanded. Where the fuck did she come from?

"I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!" I shouted. "Don't be a lyin' ass nigga. You're gonna make me leave, Clay, and this flag-catching mofo will never come back either, no matter how much you want this booty", Corey said, wiping the tear from his cheek. "Jesus, Corey, Jesus."