Always Cas | ✔

CHAPTER THREE; part one

     I jump to my feet. "Olivia," I say, startled. Panic rises in my chest. "I'm so sor—"

     She holds up a hand, stopping me. I press my palms against the front of my jeans, wiping away the sweat as I glance down at my letter, fighting the urge to turn the page over because that's more conspicuous than just leaving it.

     Cas's mother steps into the kitchen. She looks exactly the same as I remember her. There aren't even the telltale signs of aging that I would've imagined; her face is smooth, void of any lines that would indicate five years have passed. Her dark hair has been left down, unusual for her, the curls thicker than ever. They remind me of Cas's hair, what it used to be.

     "You look well," she says, smiling. It doesn't seem like she hates me, but then I hadn't really expected the turn of events my reunion with Cas took.

     "Thank you," I blurt. "So do you." I make a sweeping motion towards her. "Are you back at the hospital, too?"

     "Too?" she asks.

     I hesitate for a moment before answering, "I saw Cas there a few days ago."

     "You saw Cas?" She raises a delicate eyebrow.

     I'm halted by her response, by her lack of knowledge on the events that took place. It's not like Cas to not have told her. He's always been close with her. I wonder if this was a snub at me or at her.

     "Yes, he came by here," I respond honestly. "And then I ran into him at the hospital."

     She nods slowly, thoughtfully. Before she can say anything, I go, "I owe you an apology."

     "You don't owe me anything, Dresden," she says and it isn't a slight. She believes that. "I don't presume to understand why things went the way they did between you and Cas. It isn't for me to know. That's between you and him. But you both were young, too young maybe for the capacity of your relationship."

     I don't understand what she means by that because it sounds like she isn't blaming me for ending things with Cas and she certainly should.

     "But," she says, startling me. "You should talk to Cas. If you owe anybody anything, it's him."

     I frown. "I'm not sure he wants to hear from me."

     The expression on her face changes, gets murky. She steps closer, resting a hand on the island between us. "He wasn't very nice, was he?"

     "He wasn't anything that wasn't warranted," I tell her.

     "He's hurting," she says quietly. "I don't know how to help him."

     I frown. "That's on me. I did the hurting."

     She shakes her head. "Not just you. I think he's been bottling this hurt for a long time. Since his father left. And you leaving compounded on that."

     I scrub my face, massaging at the pain in my temple. I move hands away so she can hear me clearly when I say, "I'm going to fix this."

     She smiles weakly but it falls just as quickly as it comes. "You're a good person, Dres. Despite how things ended, I still believe that. You're exactly who a mother would've wanted their son's first love to be."

     "Please stop," I say and the words break because I'm breaking down. She's looking at me openly, seeing me, and it's too much. Not when I know the ways I've destroyed her son. I am so undeserving of her concern it sickens me.

     "What's going on with Cas?" I ask. "Why are you back?"

     Olivia looks up at the ceiling like god's listening. "I don't know. I have no idea. He was fine for years. I mean, I suppose not fine. There were ups and downs his first few years, as you're aware. And I expected some fall out his freshman year but it never came. At least not the way it did his last year of PA school. He nearly flunked out, which left him with practically no residency options. So I pulled some strings to get him a place in the ER here. But then he wasn't even going to take it. It's all so unprecedented. Which is why I think it's more than just you. I mean I know it is. It's you, it's his father, it's his friends. He feels abandoned."