Always Cas | ✔

To My Lovely Readers

UPDATE: disregard the parts where I said this was the final book because it's not because I simply could not deliver ✨ married life ✨

I don't think I can even put words together right now? I'm not even sure you're allowed to write author's notes as chapters. Here's hoping *fingers crossed*

When I started this story, the original, the first one, it was called Him & Him and I honestly had no direction, no idea, just the concept of two characters. It's always the characters for me. The story kind of built itself around them. This is my preferred method of writing. Dres came to me first. I wanted to turn character norms on their head, people norms, I guess. The idea that you can be tough and soft, that's where veteran cupcake shop owner came from. I thought what is the most unexpected job for a veteran? Who's all muscle and tattoos? And how do I make it real?

And then there was Cas. Cas is not like any character I've ever written. I resonate with my broody, moody, quiet characters. But Cas was always light, fun, happy, honest. When I wrote this first book I didn't think that I could maintain him, honestly. There came a point, though, where it no longer felt like I was writing these characters so much as they were just speaking through me. About half-way through writing the first book, I did a complete overhaul, rewrote the chapters, changed the title. It was at this point that I knew where I wanted to end it and the sequel I wanted to write.

I knew that I would always end up writing this sequel. There were times where I actually didn't think I would finish the first book but I knew that I needed, and could, write this second book. Which, fun fact, I always saw myself writing from Cas's perspective. And then suddenly, about two days after finishing the first book, I was like nope, no, this is definitely Dres's tale to tell.

In spite of all of that, and me knowing that I would eventually write this book, I NEVER thought I would do it so swiftly and so not concisely but precisely, maybe? I planned this novel start to finish. I knew every single scene I wanted and needed to include. I knew from chapter one that Cas would hook up with James and I had all their monumental conversations planned. I don't think there was a single scene that really I hadn't thought about, except maybe when they went and looked at an apartment together. That wasn't planned. But everything else, very much. OH! The shooting was not planned either, that was super spontaneous.

As for the ending, I am a big believer in sad endings. I kinda love it. I talked with my friend about this book's ending, which she's read part of, and she was insistent that I give these two a happily ever after. I told her that I wouldn't purposely give them a sad ending, that if the trajectory of the story could land us here, than I would do it. And then after planning the whole thing, I could see the arc of their relationship and that it was possible to move forward together. I didn't think that it would be when I finished the first book.

I thought, how the heck do I bring these two back together relatisticaly? You know there was a lot of damage done, and then your guys' comments bought to light a lot of other things I hadn't even considered - their age difference for one (which sos in retrospect I wouldn't have made such an age difference but when I started writing this I was young enough to think age gaps were cute and not problematic), a severe maturity issue between the two of them, commitment and lack of communication.

I thought H O W does one address all of these things and fix them enough to bring two people back together? The fact of the matter is most of us are not perfect with all of these aspects. Communication will probably always be a problem with Cas and Dres. Maybe not a problem but something they actively have to work at. I didn't want to make them perfect, or perfectly fixed, or perfectly made for each other. I just wanted to prove that what they had was worth forgiving the ways they hurt each other, was worth fighting for a future together. So I hope I did that.

Again, I'm so grateful for you guys. This has made Quarantine 2020 all the more bearable. If you're not following me, I do encourage you to do so. I'm definitely not going to write a third book, HOWEVER, I can't see myself completely laying these two to rest just yet, so there may be a collection of short stories popping up.

Thank you so much for sticking it through ❤️