Always Cas | ✔

CHAPTER FOUR; part one

     I have a standing appointment with Ashley for Thursdays, every two weeks. I decide I can wait till Thursday to see her. This is not so urgent that I need to make an emergency session. Everything is fine. I just haven't properly slept in three nights now. But everything's fine.

     It's just that Cas is in my head. Hasn't left it in three days. (Hasn't left it since he got here.) He's in my head and he's pressing me up against the sink of a Wawa bathroom, getting on his knees, taking the length of me with ease. And I'm thinking about how quickly your body can respond to a memory, how quickly it can respond to a familiar touch.

     Cas is in my head and he's standing, leaving before I've even opened my eyes. Leaving before I've even made sense of what just happened. I'm wondering if the Red Bull really was poisoned, if I'm not actually lying on the ground outside of Wawa dying. I would hope my last dying thought is not Cas on his knees for me.

     The foul stench of burnt cupcakes pulls me from my thoughts. I rush over to the oven, pulling it open and fanning the smoke away as I grab a mitt and remove the charred trays. It's Charles' day off, so I'm already rushing to get everything done. Burning a batch is going to set me back for the day. And all I want is to go to sleep, but all I can do is think about Cas.

     The day moves at an incremental pace. I sneak a nap in, retiring to the couch in the employee room for an hour before I have to go back to baking for the late afternoon rush. At five, Tasha heads out and Rumi takes her place.

     I'm washing dishes, starting to clean up early so I can head out as soon as we close. I'm debating on getting some sleeping pills, but melatonin gives me weird dreams and the prescription stuff I'd need Ashley to sign off on. She'd do it but I'd have to agree to weekly sessions again. Weekly sessions feels like a step backwards. I don't want to believe all the progress I've made with Ashley is being washed away in a week's time.

     "That guy is here again."

     I turn the tap off and look over my shoulder at Rumi, who's standing in the kitchen doorway. "What?" I say as I dry my hands.

     "The one you asked me about. I thought you'd want to know," she responds with a shrug.

     She means Cas.

     "Oh," I say feeling my blood shunt to my core so that my fingers go numb. "Thanks Rumi."

     I take a breath before following her out. Cas is across the room, at a two-top near the front windows. He has a laptop set up and headphones in, looking deep in work. I walk over anyway, hovering next to him until he finally looks up and removes a headphone.

     "What are you doing here?" I ask without ceremony.

     Cas gestures at his laptop. "Working, clearly."

     I frown. "Why here?"

     "Why not?" His tone is casual, too casual, considering the last events that transpired between us. Purposely casual, like he's trying to piss me off. Like he's trapped my King between his rook and bishop. I can decide which one takes me off of the board.

     I take the seat across from him, leaning forward like I'm about to divulge a secret. "What was the other night?"

     Cas takes a beat before he answers, "I believe the other night was Sunday. Unless you're talking about Saturday. But you could be referring to Friday. Interesting how weeks work, huh, just always the same sequence. Today's Monday, by the way."

     "Enough, Cas," I snap.

     "No, I don't think it is enough. I don't think we've even come close to enough."