Magic

Coping

It's hard to be honest when I don't know how I feel.
Everyday is different and nothing feels real.
I'm trying to make sense of what I am feeling but ignoring is no way of dealing.
I shouldn't talk when i'm sad or worried.
My stress comes out in a cold winter flurry.
I would say things that I don't mean.
I would say things that my heart says to sting.
It's always been a way to protect others.
I do it so we don't have to disappoint one another.
More than often I sit behind to leave you happy.
I don't want you to worry about me.
I want you to have other people.
Ones that you can relate to and laugh with.
Ones that won't leave you to miss.
People who don't hide when they're sad.
They have their lives together and make you smile, i'm glad.
I sometimes think about past experiences.
They involved me but I don't make appearances.
I always remember standing behind.
Sad but happy that you found others to be kind.
Sometimes I worry that you aren't as happy as you say so I watched over to make sure that you were okay.
But after a while I got lonely and left.
I was scared of getting ignored so I closed up my chest.
I just stopped trying because it's easier that way.
I ignore and had nothing to say.
I won't look in your direction cause i'm scared to feel rejection.
I have a hard time telling people my thoughts.
I look away and won't talk.
I needed to stay away because I wanted you to have time with someone else you might like.
I do that because i'm scared you like them better even though i'm the one that always cuts the tether.
If you asked me why i'm like this i'd say because I care.
Even though it's always fair.
I'm sorry but if you asked me if i'm better and my feelings are shown.
I'd say am I coping?
No.