Letters To My Person.

Fury

When your heart beats.
It carries with it essential components needed for sustained life.
To remove the heart or stop its rhythmic contractions and expansions would be fatal in any prolonged case.
You can still save the person in question if you're fast enough however.
You can jumpstart a slowing heart with manual compression, electricity, or even doses of adrenaline.
Sometimes you can even remove the dying heart and replace it with one that is healthy.
But where science ends and humanity begins is where the heart also resides.
The phrase,"you have a kind heart." Is an exceptional way of giving character to a person.
When someone feels love, they say it's from the heart.
When someone feels sadness, they say the heart is what hurts.
Heartbreak is just another way we describe the emotions we feel when we are emotionally hurt.
But, how does one mend a broken heart?
Electricity? Adrenaline? Rapid compression of the chest?
When the heart breaks. The rhythmic beat still continues its drumming.
But with it now carries a pain underlying beneath the components necessary for life.
Which in turn makes the subject experiencing the symptoms of heart break to feel confused, they question why life no longer feels the way it should.
Instead feeling only pain where joy once was.
You understand best that pain.
Or, I think you do.
Many times I've felt that others understand it.
That they are also looking for the cure to their agony.
Ive been proven wrong many times.
Because they tend to inflict their own pain on others in an attempt to save themselves.
Without even probably realizing that they are causing any pain to others at all.
However some people choose to knowingly break down others in hopes of escaping their own pain.
You can jumpstart a dead heart.
I have never heard of a way to jumpstart someone else's humanity.
Believe me, I've been searching for the answer to that issue for a long while.
I doubt you ever caught on...
But I never tried to give answers to you.
Instead I always attempted to see what you'd choose.
It's always been optional.
Because in the end it's your life to live.
You may have also never realized this but..
The experiment I worked on in order to find this solution, needed a lab rat.
A baseline for how long humanity can survive within a person who suffers heartbreak.
That lab rat was myself.
Often allowing myself to be broken in hopes of moving closer towards finding the right answer.
You've seen firsthand how badly my heart can break.
But I've discovered something far worse than pain coursing through ones heart.
Something that develops after countlessly being broken down.
Fury. The blood stained relative to wrath.
It develops rapidly, first in small instances.
Irritations that usually would be brushed aside become fuses that set off large scale fits of rage. Followed by extreme depression and anxiety.
Anxiety of the same thing happening again.
From that the fury that flows in ones heart can redirect itself in one of two ways.
Towards the world.
Or,
Towards the self.
In either case, the humanity in the person will inevitably start to decay.
Like a failing heart beat the soul will slowly die out.
Allowing darkness to consume the empty spaces it leaves.
Like a disease it spreads across the persons life viciously.
Most people at this point either try to wash it down with alcohol or other substances.
Or recklessly acting out in hopes of being stopped or acknowledged.
Some people sadly cannot handle it however.
They would rather kill off the body then let it be swallowed whole by that darkness that spreads through them.
That same darkness that I've seen take over my friends.
My loved ones.
You...
Yet you had something different than the others.
An unknown light that shined even when everything else was rinsed in shadow.
When I saw it...
I stopped feeling the fury in my heart.
My own self appointed rage.
Vanished as if I had never had it to begin with...
I discovered that, the cure for a broken heart can be many things.
Hope, care, self awareness, presence...
Love.
I wouldn't have realized it without you.
You, who stood by me even when no one else did.
Who listened when no one else cared.
Who saw me for who I was rather then for what I had or what I was doing in life.
You cared when no one wanted to.
Tried when the people I thought would stay left.
They left for the lies, and fears, and opinions they carried with them.
Yet you believed in me.
Even when at times I hardly believed in myself.
You went through lengths to help me, even when you knew I was pursuing things that were bound to leave me broken.
You went through lengths to remind me that you cared.
Especially after I was left feeling like nobody really did care.
You listened even though I had said the same thing already to you within the same week...
You, who loved me even when it was scary and hard to do...
You made time for me.
Something I had never really experienced before until you.
You became the person who I trusted with every bit of me.
I apologize for every time I was overbearing...
Or annoying.
Or even downright stupid.
You became the best friend I always needed but never knew I did.
Even the word love couldn't describe the feelings I held for you.
You were a lighthouse amongst oceans of abyss.
It's been a long time... since I've felt that light shine in my life.
I miss you.
More than ever now.
You probably.. don't even miss me.
That's fine.
But at least you have someone who will always be there for if you need anything.
Who will care and love you without question.
Who has, and always will, Believe.