Hold You Tight(Sugawara x reader)

Chapter 18: Hazy

Y/n P.O.V.

Disclaimer: chapter includes pretty in depth panic attack and mentions of drugs and alcohol

Mm why's the light do bright? Where am I? Am I still in my clothes from yesterday? I sit up and look around the room to see a bunch of female managers sitting, getting dressed, doing their makeup and just chatting. How did I get here?

"Oh hey you're up!" I turn to see Rin sitting next to me.

"Uhh yeah I am, how did I get here?"

"Huh? What do you mean? You were already asleep when I got here last night so beats me."

"Suga brought you up and tucked you in, he said you feel asleep while he was massaging you." Kiyoko called out from across the room.

"Oh yeah Sugawara didn't want to wake you, he even yelled at the boys to stay quite when everyone came so you could sleep." Yachi added.

"Really? I'll have to give him a big thanks later."

"You're sooo lucky to have someone so sweet to be your boyfriend, plus their on your schools team?! I wish." I look over and see the girls with long brown hair who's applying her mascara comment.

"Oh yeah I'm really greatfull for him, he's amazing."

As the day flashes by the girls and I are stuck in the kitchen most of the day making food for the boys, I was mainly on chopping duty since I absolutely sucked at everything else.

"Kōshiiiiii!" I call out into the mostly empty gym.

"Yeah?" Suga questions while jogging up to me.

"Thank you for caring me and tucking me into bed last night I really appreciate it."

"Of course, anything for you sugar."

"Okay now pack up or you'll miss dinner."

"Got it."

"Alright guys start packing up or you'll miss your dinner!" Suga yells out to the few people he was practicing with.

Most of the week went by just the same, loss after loss, penalty run, after penalty run. Suga was mainly watching stragity videos and helping devise plans and plays. His mind will never cease to amaze me.

On day four of training camp I'm running a bit late from the kitchen to telling Suga he should probably tell the boys to come to dinner when I see Suga talking to another one of the female managers. Oh, well I can't get jelous about Suga just talking to another girl, especially since I know Suga would never cheat... But I thought Hisako would never cheat. Goddamit y/n don't you dare start comparing Suga to a literal scum bag... God that hurt so much, he hurt me so much, why wasn't my love enough for him... What if my love doesn't end up being enough for Suga? I mean what have I really done to make him happy? What have I actually done to improve his life? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Maybe that's all I am. Nothing. And Suga's done everything right. He's been so good. It's almost impossible to believe how good he is. God what if it's all just a game? What if he's getting close just to break me? The world knows it wouldn't be the first time.

Why does my chest feel so tight?

Why can't I breathe?

I can hear my heart beat in my ears.

It's so loud, everything is so loud, the wind, the crickets, the squeaking of shoes on the gym floor, it's all so loud.

I stumble as I back out of the gym first slowly walking but progressing into a full on sprint.