Hope And Faith ✓

8. Faith

Author: What's the one piece of advice you've been given that no matter how toxic it is you can't find yourself living without it?

Hope: It was a friend of mine that gave me this advice but it'll: be fake it till you make it.

~Hope Manchester.

••

Sam was smiling at me when I walked into her office.

"Good morning, Faith! How are you today?" Again with her bubbly personality I almost felt dizzy.

I sat on the couch opposite her - like I always did, keeping a large space between us. She noticed from the way her eyes stared at the couch as if she was trying to figure out the material it was made from.

"Well, I'm simply peachy, overly peachy. I think I swallowed a bucket full of sugar," she smiled even wider than I thought possible at my sarcastic answer.

"You're getting used to me," she nodded and I stared at her oddly. "If I would have asked you this a few days ago you would have said what do you think or not even reply me at all! So we're making some good progress," she nodded seeming almost excited. Was this how excited people get when they know they're about to pry into other people's lives?

I watched her, patiently waiting for her to slide the paper but she never did.

"I still want you to tell yourself honest things about yourself in the mirror," she told me and put on her glasses once again. "We're going to stop the tasks, at least until I know you're improving properly. We're going to start proper sessions from now on. You'll have to talk about a few things and I will make sure to help you with them, I just need to ensure you'll be able to open up better." She sounded so genuine, I hated it. Like she knew what was best for me and I didn't like that at all.

I glared at her. "Hasn't my mother already told you everything you need to know?" I asked her.

She nodded still looking at me. "Of course she has, but we both know that you told your mother as much as you told the police. Barely anything useful and kept all the details to yourself. She's only speaking from the newspaper. You're the source," I hated this, I just wanted to run away. Why was I here again? I enjoyed it when we avoided topics too touchy and focused on trying to get used to each other.

"So can you tell me what happened that night? I don't need the details just anything you're willing to offer, start small," she said softly.

I didn't want to do this, it was like rubbing salt on an open wound. But I sighed because I knew I couldn't escape it, they thought it was for the best, it wasn't. "What exactly do you want to talk about?" I narrowed my eyes at her. I was perfectly fine with keeping everything to myself, they were my problems, not theirs, my burdens not theirs. I didn't need therapy, they just needed to spend money on me to clear up their guilt a bit.

Pathetic.

"From when you left the gymnastics tournament, you don't have to finish it all, baby steps."

I inhaled.

••

"How was it?" Was Aiden's first question when I got into the car. The glare on my face answered his question.