Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 28

(Billie's Pov)

"FUCK" Trig screamed sitting up on the bed panting quickly

"Trig" I said rubbing her shoulders

"You're not... i'm.. im dying.." She cried struggling to breathe

"Baby i'm here you're not dying" I tried to reassure her

This has been happening for the past 3 nights now. Trig had finished the bottle of her PTSD medication and the doctor's couldn't get a new one until tomorrow. I've never seen her like this, I knew she had PTSD but i didn't think it was this bad, i mean, how could i? whatever pills she was on really did their job. I just feel so sorry for her

"STOP" she screamed into her hands bursting into tears

"shhh" I continued to run her shoulders and places gentle kisses on her neck

"b-billie.." she whispered and choked on her words

"i'm here, i'm here you're alive you're okay" she whispered back "see" i touched her scar where she got shot and stroked it gently "you're okay"

She began to calm down and turned to face me placing her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her kissing her head as she began to cry again. The crying didn't worry me as she usually does this after an episode but it hurt me seeing her like this

"i'm sorry" she sniffled

"just relax" i kissed her head again "do you want to sleep again?"

I felt her shake her head no on my shoulder

"okay, we can just cuddle" I whispered carefully laying back down as I pulled her on top of me

"you deserve better" she whimpered

My heart broke.

"don't say that" I kissed her head again

"you shouldn't have to put up with my shit you have your own shit"

"baby I love you"

"can i have some water" she sniffled and I passed her the bottle which was on the side table

I watched as she took a small sip and placed it back.

"well would you look at that" I smiled

"what" she asked and she went to wipe her mouth as some water was on it

"don't" I grabbed her hand and rubbed my thumb on her bottom lip "see how they shine? and how they twinkle and glimmer?"

She tilted her head a bit confused to where I was going with this

"it's like you" I smiled "because even in the tiniest bit of light, the shine, like you" I whispered

"bitch we're in a pitch black room" Trig rolled her eyes playfully

"i eat carrots" I smirked

"fuck off" she giggled and placed her lips on mine "i love you too by the way" she mumbled against my lips

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so it's been almost a month.... sorry about that i just haven't had the motivation... well the motivation to do anything really my mind is just fucked up🤪 anyway i love you all for commenting and messaging me if i'm okay i rlly don't deserve yous thank you for still reading this book