Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 67

(Billie's Pov)

So I have postnatal depression. Claudia was right, although I didn't want to believe it, or go to a doctor. Eventually I gave in and he explained everything to me. I've started taking medication and have cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT, it's basically where they help me think more clearly with how I behave. Big news I found my love for Enzo.

Trig on the other hand.. not so much. I haven't moved back in with her, or even spoke to her much really. The only time we speak is when we drop off Enzo to each other.

I don't know how to even speak to her I mean, she hasn't spoke to me or messaged me so why should I? But maybe she feels the same way with not being able to speak to me. I was on my way to drop off Enzo anyway so maybe I could say something then

"hey" Trig said opening the door and taking Enzo from my arms "hi baby" she kissed him

"think he loves you more than me" i laughed making Trig smirk

"i'm taking him to the night fair tonight, Bricker and Kat are coming too"

"trig we need to talk" i blurted out

"yeah.. yeah we do but not now okay?" she sighed "how about you come tonight? see if claudia and finneas can come too" she gave a weak smile

I nodded my head and said a goodbye before leaving

(Trig's Pov)

"now we just wait for your mother" Bricker laughed talking to Enzo

"stop hogging my child Kat" i teased as she literally wouldn't put him down

"owhhh but he's just so cute" she pouted

"that's claud's car" i said

We had been waiting for 20 minutes already in the freezing cold as it was winter and snowing

We were at a cute little christmas fair and the lights just looked beautiful. I remember seeing this advertise back when I was younger in the mafia and always wanted to come but obviously that never happened. I took Enzo from Kat's arms and wrapped him up in his buggy.

"LETS GO THERE" Claudia gasped pointing towards the ferris wheel before dragging Finneas with her making us laugh

"oh my Kat we are doing that ghost train" Bricker yelled

"FUCK NO" Kat yelled back but was already been taken away leaving me, Billie and Enzo

"hi" i smiled

"hi" Billie smiled back

"gah" Enzo cooed as if he was joining in on us making us burst out with laughter

I was staring at Billie not really knowing what to say and she was staring at me back

"i don't care if this fucks things up even more i just need this" i let out before grabbing her closer to me and placing my lips on hers

We both didn't let it go too far because we both weren't really sure as to where we stood.

"i really needed that too" she sighed as our foreheads pressed together

I pulled her into a tight hug taking in her familiar scent and touch

"i'm so sorry" we both whispered at the same time taking in how much we both meant it

I let go of her and watched as she looked at the scenery around us

"this really looks like come out and play" she giggled

"i've always wanted to come here.. and now here i am, the three of us" i smiled

"but what happens now?"

"we need to take it slow" i nodded "like real slow because i think everything happened way too quickly with us i mean, we're literally parents.. already so for now we start over go on sappy little dates learn who we both our now because Billie I have so much love for you, but ever since arshtar took me you haven't been the same person, and I haven't either" i took a deep breath in "what i'm trying to say is we need to learn the new us, the stronger us"

"i understand, i really do i've seen the change too and i didn't want to accept it" she sighed

"to the new us" i held out my pinky

"the new us" she laughed linking our pinkies together

Glancing around I could see Claudia and Finneas at the top of the beautiful lit up ferris wheel. They were talking and laughing, they just looked so in love. To the other side was Bricker howling at Kat for screaming as they came out of the ghost train. Bricker clearly ready for another round. I lifted Enzo up from his buggy and held him in my arm pulling Billie into a side hug. All three of us looking up into the sky as the snow hit our faces. Enzo smiling away at the cold white stuff. The feeling of my favourite people engulfed me with the touch of something swelling in my chest.

This was it, this was my family. Where I belonged.

I looked back down to see Jinx with Nitro standing far away smiling at me. Of course I knew it wasn't real but it was a nice comforting feeling knowing they would always have my back, no matter what. Dead or alive.

This is what made me realise it was all worth it. The mafia, the killing, the drug deals, everything.

Every single tear, every single blood splatter, every death, every hurt, every loss, the struggle, the exhaustion. This one moment made it all worth it.

For those days where I felt like my life had no meaning, I wanted to remember this moment, this warmth. I wanted to remember everything not giving a fuck about anything negative in their life. I wanted to remember them laughing and their happiness.

Yes my life has been shit but I know I have them. My family. My life.

My names Trig. Trixie Harmes. Whatever you want to call it. If my life ended tomorrow I wouldn't mind, because this is my happy ending, and not everyone gets that. To experience it. I'm so grateful for my life though it taught me many things, many adventures, many lessons and many stories to tell. My life has been a complete rollercoaster and it may always be one, but for now, i made it to the good part. I finally had everything I wanted in life.

You know, I think my life will always be kept in the dark, but I found my light to keep going.