Poetry Collection - When two turn into one

My first year

Note: Eloisa is not my real name but my pseudonym.
This is more of a poetry slam text or short story rather than an actual traditional poem. As you can guess, it's about my first year at a school in Canada. It was supposed to be only one year, but I grew to like it, but not without a few challenges.

*************************************************

I remember my first day of school pretty well.
Everything was new and exciting
and I couldn't wait for this year to finally start.

You must know,
when I came here I left home to stay in Boarding.

Because of all the advantages
that come with living abroad:
Making new friends, learning English,
experiencing a new culture
and just having a good time.

I had very specific expectations.

And on this very first day
I walked into a room full of new girls
and I sat down on a table
next to two other students that I've never seen in my life.
I was thinking: "Come on Eloisa, start a conversation.
Making friends is insanely essential and better too early than too late."

Well, I did try talking to them
but it was very awkward
and at some point, I didn't even understand what they were saying.

Thankfully my language skills have improved since.
At least I hope so.
I felt kind of disappointed in my self
and not how I wanted it to be.

I expected everything
to fall into place immediately
but that's not really how it works.

After, I got to meet my buddy.
She's probably the nicest person on earth
but I didn't know that at that time, of course.

So, I was nervous.
And when you're nervous, you do weird things.

For me,
it was thinking that she would hug me
when we were greeting
but she didn't
so I acted as if I was looking over her shoulders.
Well, obviously she noticed
and that that made it even worse.
Awkward...

We just stood there, trying to do Smalltalk,
but we didn't know how to break the ice
and make our situation less uncomfortable.

Usually it only takes a few seconds to leave an impression
and I already ruined mine for three,
possibly more,
people in this one day.

The following weeks weren't really better.

I mean, I liked classes,
I was so excited
that I even did my homework
enthusiastically and happily.

Yet, there was still a problem I was facing.
I think it's every teens struggle:
Fitting in...

I seriously tried to be someone I'm not
and of course, people noticed.
I even changed my name
into a nickname
because I thought it would make
everything easier.

Honestly, it doesn't.
Yes, I'm one of the billion Eloisas in my grade.
Yes, I'm not Canadian.
Yes, I'm not close to being perfect. In fact, really far away.

And also, yes, there were times where I sat in class,
not understanding a thing that's going on
and where I try to laugh about jokes everyone finds funny
but I had no clue why
so I fake laughed.

Yet, somehow, here I am.
I figured out that this isn't about being perfect.
It's about actually finding myself
and accepting whatever I am.

I still don't know what exactly this (*point at myself*) is, but hey, that's alright.
It took a while, but I think I've found my place.

I found people that I can talk to,
people that would never judge me,
people that laugh with me and not over me
and people that love me the way I am.

And I've learned that it's okay to ask for help when I need help.
As I said a couple of times before,
we are imperfect,
so therefore, a little support is a good thing.

And I also started improving after I came to all these realizations.

I'm still a work-in-progress,
I still haven't reached my goal.
I'm still filing the stones,
because diamonds aren't just the way they are
without a bit of effort.
I still haven't made it to the top of the mountain,
but I'm on my way.
I just need to keep well the road
and then I'll be where I want to be soon.

I can say I'm happy.
Thank you, everyone,
for making this year incredible.

It was defiantly not easy,
but you didn't let me down
and you stopped me from giving up.

And when I think back to the first day of school I think that it went alright.
It was awkward but it was just the start of something truly amazing.

Thank you, [insert school name]