To Hook A Star. A Jemily Fanfiction

Nine

The team took the night to catch up on jet lagged sleep and try to adjust to Russian time. JJ however, was already used to Russian time, and she couldn't sleep. Its was 3am. She sat on the porch, looking over the city in the night. In one hand she held a glass of wine, in the other she held a small, silver object. Twirling it around in her fingers, tracing its edges. She looked down at the object in her hand, a wedding ring. It was small and simple, much like JJ, but inside there was writing. Even in death, our souls will find eachother. It seemed almost ironic now, he was dead, but she prayed to god their souls weren't bonded together. What she thought was love for so long, was lies, his lies. There was something about his death though, that made her feel guilty. Guilty she was greiving even though their marriage was close to an end? She knew though, that even if he was a cheater, even if he never loved her, she truly loved him, or what she thought he was, and when she remembered that person she thought he was, it hurt that he was gone. It hurt oh so bad. Before she noticed she was even crying, the tears erupted. Just this once, she decided to let herself feel her pain. To feel the loss of what was supposed to be a happy marriage, for the loss of who Will was before, for the loss if her freedom, for the loss of her security in her safety. She mourned all that loss, all that greif. Maybe she just couldn't hold it all in anymore, or maybe she had finally realized, it was okay, to feel. The tears flew down her face, as she struggled to keep her breath steady. What she didn't know, was a certian brunette was coming down the stairs.

Emily reached the bottom of the stairs. She realized the patio door was open. As she moved to close it however, she noticed a sound. It was crying. Not just any crying, a hopeless cry, she could here the pain in the voice of whoever it was, she almost felt the emotional turmoil of the person in her bones, thats how chilling it was. She realized as she made her way closer to the door, that it wasn't just any crying, it was Jennifer. Maybe her sleepy brain hadn't realized at first, but she knew the undertone voice of that cry. She knew it, and the realization tore her heart apart even more. Maybe Emily has the best skills in the compartamentalization, maybe when horrible thing happens, she somehow keeps her cool. Maybe JJ was right about her all those years ago in Tobias Hankles home, she had seen so much, that now, she didn't even flinch. But Emily had a weakness deep inside her, the ones she loved. Perhaps thats why she spent all this time pretending she didn't need anyone, because in the end, they hurt her more. And JJ, oh sweet JJ, she was her biggest weakness at all. When JJ was sad, Emily was sad. Her heart was too big, and for all the happiness JJ caused her, it was only reasonable that she would make Emily feel this pain. It didn't matter what Emily felt though, all she wanted, was to take away anything sad, bad, scary, angering, or heartbreaking, out of JJ's soul. She'd take all the pain on her own if she had to, if it ended JJ's suffering. So maybe thats why she chose to say something in the silence of JJ's sobs.

"You know you don't have to cry alone..." She said, taking a seat beside JJ. The blonde quickly wiped away her tears, already ready to say she was 'fine'.

"Emily, why aren't you in bed?" JJ asked with a sniffle.

"Couldn't sleep." She answered simply.

"You too?" JJ asked, wiping away another tear. Emily didn't respond, she just look at JJ. She searched to blondes eyes for any happiness, and it broke her heart she couldn't find the light that was usually there.

"Did I ever tell you about my brother Maxis?" Emily asked.

"What? You're an only child?" JJ said confused. Emily nodded slightly with a soft smile.

"Well, I was for most of my childhood. I had a brother though, a twin, actually. His name was Maxis and we were inseperable." She said softly. JJ looked up at her confused, and heartbroken for Emily, because she could see where this was going. She never knew anything about a brother, let alone that she had lost one. JJ didn't say anything so Emily continued. "Yeah I know, I never told any of you. He was autistic, he was such a genius even at 5. He was different from other kids though, which meant they thought they should pick on him, so I always had to protect him ya know? He was so happy and joyful all the time. Well anyway, one day his best friend called him a freak, infront of our whole third grade class. Me, being Emily, I beat the shit out of him." Emily let out a small laugh, but you could hear the crack in her voice. "Maxis was a mess and I was about to get expelled, so we ran away from the school to a little field we used to play on by the train tracks. Anyway, there was this one ravine that was just an old dried up creek thats just a huge ditch now, with scrap metal and abandoned cars and things like that. I tried to calm him down, I did calm him down. We decided to play since we were already there. Anyway, an accident happened in one of our make believe games and somehow my bag ended up at the bottom of the ravine. So what does Maxis do? He goes and gets it of course. But um- neither of us had ever been in the ravine, ya know? So uh- we- we didn't know that the rocks weren't stable and um he stepped on a loose one and fell probably 15, 20 feet. I saw him fall, and I was like well shit, moms gonna kill us if he gets another broken arm. But uh- when I looked down, he wasn't moving anymore... and then I saw the blood, so much blood. He had hit his head on some of that scrap metal... he was gone before I even made it back home to get help." She finished explaining her story to JJ. The blonde's heart hurt so much for the brunette, all she could do was sit there with this heartbroken expression on her face. "Anyway I know when he died, I felt like it was my fault, there was so much guilt it never actually left me, and thus the drugs and sex and partying began in my teenage years. But you know the thing about guilt JJ? Its not always there for a reason. I know your situation isn't the same, but I know you, and I know you'll find any reason to blame yourself. Am I right?" Emily said softly. JJ just nodded, another tear hitting her hand.

"See JJ, the thing is, you're gonna feel all this pain and you have to feel all this loss, but you don't have feel all of it alone. I told you that story because I want you to know that I understand loss, and that I trust you, and maybe one day you can trust me like that." Emily smiled softly. JJ nodded, wiping a tear.

"Thankyou Emily."

"Always." She said. "Now, I'm gonna go make some coffee." Emily said, standing up and making her way back inside.

a/n: i needed to give yall something cuz i go back to school tmr so ill have less time to write but ill try!!