To All The People I've Loved Before (Renyang)

1

Renjun's POV

I was a fairly simple person

However I wasn't simple when it came to my letters

My love letters

No I've never gotten them but I have written them

But when I write my letters they are a way of saying goodbye

I write them when I finally feel like my feelings need to be let go

After letting out everything in a letter I feel like I've gotten over it

As I said they are my goodbye

My last goodbye

My last goodbye only for me to know about

A goodbye to feelings

The person I had these feelings for never gets the goodbye

The goodbye is mine

Even if the letter is written to them the letter is mine

It's mine to write

Mine to look at

So the goodbye is also mine

It's my experience

There are 5 letters in total

The first one was my now best friend Haechan from when I had a crush on him in 6th grade but he knows about his letter his never read it but he walked in on me writing

He doesn't know there are other letters after he found out he talked about how anyone could find them or anyone could mail them out

Like anyone would mail them out......

Anyone the next one was Alex they were a person I meet at cheer camp they were the best which caused a lot of people to be jealous of them and use their wrong pronouns to try and bring them but they always stayed strong I admired that

After that was Soojin yes this was a female

I don't know if you've noticed yet but I'm very much a raging Pansexual

Anyway she danced with me at the 8th grade dance but she likes girls she told me after a rumor went around we were dating when people saw us at the dance together

Then there was Lucas

I had a crush on him for the longest time but a year ago he started dating my best friend Jungwoo

And I gave up and got over him

His letter is my biggest goodbye

And I did say goodbye ever since that letter I haven't look at him as anything more than a friend

I also realized when I wrote that letter that the only reason I had a crush on him was because everyone else had a crush on him and I felt like I needed to have a crush too it's been a long time since I read that letter

I went to the box were I keep all my letters

It was a small blue round box

It was special to me because me and Haechan made it together in 4th grade in arts and crafts

Well we didn't make the box but we decorated it

With little flowers here and there

I opened it and took out the letter

Dear Lucas,

I'm moving you see I had this crush on you but I've come to a realization I don't like you because you made me feel special I liked you because everyone else did