Legendary // H.S

4.

'I wanna buy some time but don't have a dime'

*

'Atlas, it's so good to see you again, he's been asking about you,' the nurse welcomes me, engulfing me in a hug. Jackie had been looking after dad in this care home since he got here, she's the only other person I'd trust with his life.

I shuffle out of my coat, placing it on the hook near the door before speaking. 'Is he lucid?'

She nods enthusiastically, leading me into the back room. I only visit Dad once a month now; work takes up most of my time, and I selfishly find it too difficult to see him more often. I call every other day, just so he can hear my voice and hold on to my memory for a bit longer, but I know that's nothing compared to seeing me in person. He's my best friend, my hero, and he can barely remember my name most days. It's painful to lose someone you love, especially when they're not really gone. He's alive, and probably will be for around 10 more years or so, his health was pristine. But he's there, he hasn't been for a while. I like to think when he's not lucid, it's just his mind taking a nice holiday in a memory. We all need breaks sometimes.

Today, he lit up when he saw me. He can remember me, for now.

I sit down next to him after pulling him into a tight hug. I've always loved his scent. Peppermint and tobacco. He doesn't even smoke, but his close friends always did. Most of them have passed from cancer. I wonder if he remembers that.

He's been drawing today, some light sketches of the trees outside and the ducks on the pond. The home he's staying in is in the town I grew up, just outside of Ipswich in Suffolk. It always felt weird being back here. Mum and her husband lived in the area too, and I visited them even less. She'd never understand why, she didn't want to. But he knew, Peter, my step-father. He'd never been a father figure to me though, he lost that right long ago. That was something I'd never talk about.

Mum and I were never that close. She divorced dad when I was young, and I moved in with him. I chose him over her, and she never forgave me. It's not like we had that much of a relationship before she left dad, she was always too focused on who she could sleep with next, as if dad and I didn't notice. Never one for subtlety, mum. She knew I would be in town this weekend, but I had made it clear I'm here for dad, not her.

Dad was watching me as I scrolled through his sketches. 'I drew them for you, hang them up in the flat,' he spoke, smiling at me in pride. He's always had a talent when it comes to art.

I nod, placing them back on the table next to my bag. He'd managed to add some colour to one – that would go in the kitchen, right next to the picture of us on my 18th birthday. 'I love them, always do.'

He holds his hand out for me on the table between us, taking my hand once it's placed in his. I've always loved these small acts of affection from him. He's never been the type of dad to avoid that, always wanting to hug me when he can. I suppose it's because he knew eventually he wouldn't be able to anymore. Like now. Though he's lucid, I know that it will end, and he'll go back to forgetting who I am.

I turn my attention to the scenery outside, smiling as I watch some birds flying from tree to tree. 'How's Joe? Have you spoken to him at all?' he asked, squeezing my hand.

I sigh, shaking my head. 'He came by my work the other day because I stopped answering his calls. He's obsessed.'

Dad laughs at this, taking a sip of the water next to him before responding. 'He always has been, Atlas. The man hasn't been able to take his eyes off of you since he met you.'

'Who can blame him?' I joke, pushing the hair over my shoulder to pose.

It reminds me of when I was younger, and dad would let me play dress up with him. I'd do his makeup, too, often making him look like a clown, and he'd let me dress him up in the most ridiculous outfits, just so he could strut around the living room while A1 or Backstreet Boys played. I had a happy childhood, for the most part. Being a child of divorce is never easy, but with dad by my side, I knew I'd be fine.