Legendary // H.S

57.

'I'm frightened by the devil

And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid'

*

Harry's been distant, quiet. There was a moment where I spoke with his sister earlier today, and after joining his side again he's kept to himself. Only one word answers leaving his lips.

We stayed for dinner, though I could tell it was a difficult decision for him to make. I told him how proud I was of him when we found ourselves alone, and he simply wrapped his arms around me and held me in silence until his mum came into the hall to call us in for food. Nothing else, no words. Just an embrace. Through his touch I knew exactly what he felt. Pain, fear, but also love. Unconditional love for a family that he's forced himself away from, not because he wants to remain distant but because he believes he must be to avoid becoming like his father.

Yet, seeing him in that setting, witnessing the dynamic with his sister and mum, it's only proven what we've all told him; that he is the furthest thing from a monster. He is kind, pure, genuine. A soul that could save even the most damned of them if he wanted to. Although the life he's chosen for himself is not on the path of virtue, what matters are his actions. I've never doubted them or his intent.

However, his silence opened up conversations with his family that I never thought I'd have. Every detail of their lives since their darkest days was recounted. School dances, jobs, university, moving, boyfriends, friends, holidays. Cara is ironically training to be a lawyer, which Lily has supported wholeheartedly. I suppose after enduring the worst it's only natural to work towards the best. It's admiring, the way her features light up when talking about the things that she wants to change in the world. The hanging weights of justice will always swing between the spectrum, but with people like her in the system, I believe some good can be done.

Lily started working for a charity that helps victims of domestic violence as a support worker. Unlike Harry, she didn't mind speaking about her experience, though it was obvious that it will always pain her. You can't easily forget something like that. But she's turned her trauma into care, and I think that may be the most inspiring thing someone can do. She's an incredibly smart woman too, willing to debate whatever topic was thrown across the dinner table. So many opinions about everything from art to culture to politics to society. A breath of fresh air. I suspect she noticed Harry's uneasiness so chose to fill the silence with noise. I'm not sure if it worked, but I made sure to keep his hand tightly locked in mine under the table to bring him any comfort.

Since then, we travelled down the dark country roads of the Midlands with no words being uttered. The radio plays quietly to cut through the silence, but even that seems too harsh. As before, I've kept my touch on Harry, my hand placed on his leg and rubbing small circles into the denim. His jaw is clenched, knuckles white from their grip on the steering wheel. It'll take a few hours to get back to London, I'm not sure if he can last that long without spiralling.

As we meet a crossroads, the signs pointing towards the capital or a nature reserve, Harry turns to me and clears his throat. 'I need to go to the forest,' he tells me before quickly facing forward again and turning left.

I give his thigh a quick squeeze, watching as the streetlights become sparser until eventually the only light seen is from our car as it illuminates some dirt tracks. It's not like the forest we visited before; it's much denser. Smaller. Potentially a man made one. But it will have to do for now. There's no one out here right now, no cars passed for miles. He can be as loud as he needs to be, and I'll stay by his side.

Eventually the car starts to slow as we reach a closed off area. Once it stops, the engine is immediately shut off, but the lights remain on. I give him a nod to indicate that I will stay here if he needs me to, to which he responds with his own. Quickly, he unbuckles his belt and climbs out the vehicle, my eyes watching him pace to the centre, about 7 or 8 feet away from the car.