Rebecca's miracle

Eleven

Rebecca Pov

It was a couple of days after we had broken up for the summer holidays, and it was about 7 O'clock in the evening, (my curfew was 9 for the summer holidays, so no rule breaking here... yet), we were in some sort of green area, but honestly I had no idea where it was, (yes, even 30 years later and I still couldn't get there by myself), and while there were other people there, the only people I took notice of were Levi, Jake and Opal, (I really don't like socialising all that much to be honest with you).

I don't remember how it got to the point where cheep beer and spirits were being passed around, but I do actually remember why I took a sip, it wasn't peer pressure, I wanted to see if alcohol really did make you feel like you could do anything, (and boy I really shouldn't have been so bloody curious).

As soon as I had a single fucking sip of cheep, shitty, yet all so fucking liberating vodka, all of the background noise that I have always been able to hear fucked off, didn't it, (and I didn't know that other people don't hear background noise), and my undiagnosed autistic brain reacted by making me feel like I was floating.

"Hey Bex, are you ok?"
"Yeah Li, I'm great"
"Ok, let me know when you wanna go"
"I'm not gonna remember time, as that has fucked off on me, (giggles), I just know that Leo wants me back for 9"
"You're already tipsy-"
"It's not my fault that I'm short!, there's less blood to intoxicate"
"How are you remembering words like intoxicate but times gone?"
"Time is hard without alcohol, with alcohol it's fucked"
"Fair"

I felt like I didn't have to pretend to be someone else, which at the time was weird as 12 year old me didn't even know that I wasn't fully being me, (✨Autism✨), she just knew that alcohol made her funny and talking to people easier, (yeah, the alcohol made it easier to unmask, no it's not a healthy way to unmask, yes I have so many fucking issues that I needed to unpack).

So because I was feeling freer and 12 years old, I naturally drank even more than I thought I could handle, because I didn't want that feeling to go away, and I didn't know how to help myself essentially, (and it was definitely was not encouraged by my bio parents, if anything they encouraged me to mask at home, not that they knew what masking was).

I don't love looking back on this time in my life, but I need some sort of closure on it, as I don't want this time to hinder my recovery and ultimately the rest of my life when it already has been hindering my recovery, there are some holes in my memory from this time though, (alcoholism will do that though), so it might not add up completely, forgive me if that bothers you, (and even though I don't love that I became an alcoholic, I can't change that fact).

I clearly was tipsier than I thought I was at the time (but looking back at it, I was surprised that I wasn't fucking full on drunk yet), as Jake was worried about me and he used to throw pencils at windows for shits and giggles, (though I will give him some credit that he's more responsible than most men are nowadays).

"Rebecca are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm just a little tipsy Jake"
"Ok, mate are ya actually gonna be able to walk her home by yourself?"
"I don't actually think I can ya know, does your Dad know?"
"He's working tonight, what about your old men?"
"Dad knows that I'm out and Dede is too tired nowadays to say much about how he feels about me coming home late"

while I mostly didn't say much at this point, I did hear Levi and Jake talking to each other about me, but I honestly didn't have the social energy to say anything about them talking about me, and it came from a place of concern for me, (and that I can't fault).

"Bex, we're taking you home"
"Alright, might need some help walking"
"Yeah that's alright, that's why Jake's gonna get your other arm"
"Get Opal too, she shouldn't be by herself here"
"We'll call her Bex"
"Oi Opal!, we're going home!, get your arse in gear!"
"Jesus Christ Jake!, I'm coming!"

Anyway we were all walking home together, not that we were in a good state to be taking on any attackers, but it was safer than us being by ourselves, (though nobody was going to fuck with Levi though as he was already almost 6ft at 12 years old).