Room 47 // Laurmani

Chapter 17

You've managed to get here. You've made it. You don't quite remember how exactly you got here, the details are blurry but you're determined to get this out of the way, for her more than anything. You're just standing outside the door, looking at it, you have the worst headache ever, your temples are aching, spreading the pain to the rest of your head, like a constant reminder of your stupidity. Stupidity for taking more pills than you should, but they got you here at least. You don't feel any different, not really, only headaches. Everything else seems the same; you feel like you're walking around like a zombie, derived of thought or emotion, except when you're with her, you're always alive when you're with Lauren. You're not stupid though, you don't know the risks or even how long it takes for the pills to kick in, you think it's a few weeks but somehow you feel better taking more on days when things might get on top of you. Today for example is a 'four day', you took four pills this morning, yesterday was also a four because it was a Monday. The rest of the days are the usual one you should be taking, but sometimes you take two, maybe three but never more than four. The headaches are the worst on four days.

You're standing outside your apartment, well, you guess it's now just Keith's apartment, you used to call this place home, hell a few weeks ago you called this place home and now you're going to knock on the door like you're a goddamn stranger. You're already living somewhere else with someone else, everything's moving too fast. You feel like you're going in the right direction but just too damn fast, you wish your life had a pause button. You laugh bitterly at the thought; perhaps a reverse button would be more appropriate. Sometimes you feel like maybe the stop button would be the best one to press.

You knock your knuckles gently against the door, half-hoping that nobody will answer or hear. You hear footsteps and your stomach sinks. The front door to your former home opens and your former fiancé is now standing in front of you.

Your mouth falls open a little - he basically looks like shit. Keith's standing lifelessly in front of you, eyes swollen and tired, now long hair unwashed and hanging horribly around his depressed pale face, his once five o'clock shadow now turning into a matted looking beard on his face.

"Normani" he gapes, his eyes coming to life. He seems surprised to see you.

"Hi" you try smiling weakly, "Uhm, can I come in?"

"Uh-" he stutters, clearly still not quite grasping that you're actually here in front of him, "s-sure come on in" he replies, moving out of the way and motioning through the threshold for you to enter.

You walk by him feeling awkward and you just stand in the living room, not feeling worthy to sit down in this place anymore, in his place.

"Uh, you trying a new look?" you ask and give a nervous laugh as he comes in after you. His hair is so long now it tucks behind his ears slightly, you've never seen him look so different.

He just shrugs and frowns at you, not looking angry but more just sad, dejected. "What're you doing here?"

"I...I don't know to be honest" you admit quietly.

"Your sweater looks weird," he mumbles.

"Oh." You feel your cheeks warm because you're wearing the lizard sweater Lauren made for you, but he doesn't need to know that. You decide to quickly bite the bullet and quickly say what you have to. "Look, I left a few things here I think, I also feel like I left here so quickly and you must've had questions"

He laughs at you, not a friendly laugh but a cutting and bitter laugh. A hollow deep laugh like he's mocking you. "My supposed to be wife was sleeping with another woman, what more is there to ask?"

You recoil and look away feeling embarrassed, ashamed and indignant all at the same time.

"I didn't sleep with her," you almost whisper, "not when we were together"