My Sexual Abuse Story

How it ended

This is a really hard topic for me to write about. I only just told 4 of my closest friends about it yesterday (11/14/20). My family doesn't know about it, but I am planning on telling them in this new coming year.

Continuing on with my story...

I didn't think it was wrong at the time, again I was only 5 years old. I just thought it was a game.

The second time it happened, it was a Saturday afternoon and we were watching a movie in the basement again when all of a sudden, he asked if I wanted to play the "game" again. I said no this time, but he kept insisting and insisting and he said that he would get me anything I wanted. So, reluctantly, I agreed. He said he would make me feel good and that if at any time it hurt to tell him at he would stop. I didn't know what he meant by this, so I kept quiet.

He took my pants off and started touching me, it didn't feel as uncomfortable as the first time, but it didn't feel very nice. I told him that I didn't like what he was doing, so then he asked me if he could "put it in". I didn't know what that meant, but I was scared to say no and I wanted my reward, so I said yes.

Everyday, I think about how this day could have gone differently. If I would have just said no, and left, I would still be a virgin right now. If I would have said no, maybe things would be different. The reality hurts, it hurts that I was so ignorant, it hurts that I could trust him, and it hurts that he took advantage of me like that.

He continued to do this to me everyday and the worst part that makes me feel the most ashamed of myself was that I enjoyed it. I liked it, so I did nothing about it. This stopped for a while when I was about 7 years old when he went back to Colombia. I was still oblivious to what he did to me, but I was starting to sort of catch on, but I didn't know enough to know it was wrong.

When I was 8 years old, life had gotten back to normal, I was half way through 3rd grade and life was good.
One day when I got home from school, my mom told us that we were packing everything and moving to Colombia. It was both exciting and sad because I had never been out of the country before, but we could take our dog, Joey with us.

As my mom told us, we packed everything and left, on (3/13/16). When we got there, we were greeted by all my uncles, my grandma and my grandpa. In those uncles was the man who took something that he could never give back.

A couple weeks went by and I was starting to get used to living there and school and everything in general.
One day, my mom had to go out and my brothers were still at school, so my uncle came by to watch me while she was out.

I was doing homework when all of a sudden he came into my room and asked if I want to "play" with him like we used to. I said yes because I was scared to say no and because I enjoyed it.

Whenever he came over to watch me, he would always do this. I actually got an infection down there once, my mom was worried about it, but I got some antibiotics that made it go away.

It happened a few more times after that, but then we came back to the US because my brothers had medical issues that couldn't be treated in Colombia. When we came back, I didn't see him again until October of 2019. When I saw him, I couldn't express how much hatred I have towards him. He did all this while having a wife and he didn't care.

He lived with us for about 8 months, during those 8 months he tried to get me to "play" with him, but I stayed away from him as much as possible. If he tried to touch me, I move away in less than a second. I hate him with a burning passion. Things like these can never be forgiven and I doubt that I will ever forgive him.

I have yet to tell my family about it and it eats away at my mind everyday if my life. I hate that my life is so messed up because of him. I hate that he knew it was wrong and did it anyway. I figured out what was going on when I was around 10 years old. I didn't think much about it then, but as I got older, it got worse and worse. I learned to hide my sadness and anger and not show it on my face.

He comes over to my house for dinner almost every night and I hate having to see him. He's also my ride to school. Right now because of the coronavirus, I've been doing mostly online, but I have to go back this week.

I have to tell my family soon, I'm planning on doing it after Christmas. My reasoning for that is because he always gets us Christmas gifts and if I say something before then, I won't get an extra Christmas gift. He's taken so much from and I know one gift won't fix anything, but I can't let his money go to waste.

I wrote my story and posted it because I want others who have gone through stuff like this to know that it's they are not alone.

If you have gone through sexual assault, know that it isn't your fault and that you are not alone.