All our lives

Chapter 12

Jon came back to his table and placed one bottle in front of Tico then took a seat, letting himself drop on the chair.

"You should thank me. I've saved your ass," Tico informed him.

Jon didn't respond although he was indeed thankful for the smooth exit his friend had put up for him.

"What was that all about?" the older man inquired.

"Nothing," he sighed. "Apparently, I'm going crazy," he waved his hand like he wanted to chase away that scene and its unsettling aftertaste.

"Yeah, about that," Tico dared. "You're acting kind of strange lately. Are you all right?"

"If I say yes will you believe me?" he asked him although he knew that question had one single possible answer.

Tico shook his head, in a move that felt like a scolding.

"I take that as a no." Jon emptied half of the bottle.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Yes, he did want to talk, but how? How could he say all that was happening to him without ending up in a mental institution? How could he prove that he was coming from a universe where Richie was still alive but not in the band anymore? Who would believe that?

"I don't know what's to be said." That much was true. "I feel like ...like I'm starting to forget, you know? It's all becoming a blur." Blur. He wished he had blurry memories, at least he would have had something. "I'm trying to remember how it was before..." He couldn't end that sentence. "Before," he repeated and ended his idea there. It was enough anyway. "But it's harder and harder every day. Do you still remember how we were?"

"You mean you and Richie?" Tico asked him point-blank.

"Yes...No... All of us. Why didn't we postpone the shows when you were in hospital in 2013?"

"Because we couldn't. You tried."

"I did?" he marveled at his own past actions. When he had checked if there had been some modification to the 2013 tour he hadn't taken into account a failed attempt to do something. Now he was absolutely confused. Had he tried to follow his own advice or it was just a coincidence?

Tico nodded and took a sip from his beer.

"Why didn't I cancel them?"

"You really don't remember?" Tico asked him incredulously. "Man, go see a doctor. You're kind of young to have such memory loss. First the song, now this..."

"I don't think a doctor would know why I didn't cancel the shows either."

"Smart-ass," Tico smiled. "I didn't let you. You thought about it, you asked me about it and I think my exact words were 'I can totally take a break from seeing your ass every night, but our fans don't seem so keen to do the same'." It was Jon's turn to look at him incredulously. "Come on, what was I supposed to say? You were worried. It was better for everyone and especially for you if you just continued with the tour."

"You didn't start the tour because you wanted it, you started it because you needed it," Richie's words came to his mind. It seemed everyone was aware that work was his way of facing problems. Everyone but him. His friends were one step ahead of him when it came to knowing what truly motivated some of his questionable decisions and, moreover, they were disposed to let him have his way. Or maybe, after all those years, they had all transformed into work-addicts to some degree.

"Did Richie ever say anything about playing some of his songs?" he risked another question with an answer he should have known better than Tico.

"On that tour? No. I know you had some disagreements before the tour, but I don't remember hearing him saying anything once it started."