All our lives

Chapter 19

He hated her. There was nothing else that could describe how he felt about her. He hated her in every sense of that word. By the time the plane took off, in his mind he had made her suffer in a variety of unimaginable ways. It didn't matter that the poor woman wasn't probably guilty of anything, except maybe for falling in love with him. He would have lost his mind if he had blamed only himself. He needed an enemy, another responsible for that mess, and she was the only one available for that role.

He had gotten up from the floor driven by a single overwhelming urge. To leave once and for all from there. But as he turned the water on for a quick shower, perfectly aware that he could have declared a tie between him and this version of him - one had the happy family, the other the voice, and none of them had Richie - and just disappear into another circle, vindictiveness possessed any trace of reasoning that had remained unaltered by that brutal shock. He couldn't bring Romeo back, maybe not even Dot - this idiot didn't deserve them anyway - but he could tamper with his marriage. Just like he had done with his.

Truth to be told, he didn't know exactly what he could do to irremediably interfere in Angela and this Jon's relationship. Ask for divorce and wait here for years until it was finalized didn't seem a viable option. Ask for divorce and just leave would probably shake them a little, but he couldn't be sure it was enough for a breakup.

"You seem troubled," a discreetly perfumed hand caressed his face and he tilted his head in avoidance, clenching his teeth disgustedly. "You ok?"

Her phone rang and she answered it without waiting for his response which wouldn't have come anyway. He got up and moved a few seats away. He could still see her - she had taken her shoes off and gathered her legs on a side under her, her bare feet now dangling above the narrow aisle - but he didn't feel so sickened by her presence from that distance.

Thirty years of marriage. This year, he and Dot celebrated thirty years of marriage. In this stupid universe they turned nineteen of separation. Rage seared through him as basic arithmetic showed that this second marriage already lasted longer than the only marriage he would ever acknowledge as real. How the hell had that been possible? What obstacle had they considered to be absolutely unpassable? And, okay, they had decided it was better if they parted ways, maybe in this universe he had screwed up one too many times, but come on, an actress? Had that 'all or none' motto washed his brain that badly? The young woman who was currently cluelessly giggling on the phone was the embodiment of everything he'd never wanted from a wife, how on earth had he married her?

The image of the huge poster girl, impassively yet mockingly witnessing his clumsy attempts to give that reality a sense, made his stomach tighten almost as if he was about to throw up. He shook his head whilst in his mind he was ripping the hell out of that poster and unlocked his phone. He needed to find out who the fuck Angela Novak was. Besides his trophy wife.

First he browsed again through that biography he had been forced to buy. How come had he missed such a drastic event as a divorce? It should have been mentioned and he should have seen it. After ten minutes of reading random phrases from different chapters, he understood what had happened. The book started with him being the center of attention, that was true, but it didn't continue like that. When the dynamics of the group changed, the tone of the book changed too. The biography wasn't about him, it was about the band and everybody's personal lives had been left out. His wedding with Dorothea had happened before that 'all or none' phrase had the chance to really mess up everything, it was seen as a bonding moment and that's why it had been slipped in a story that didn't contain other insights about their families. So the book was useless now.

Google didn't seem to be able to help him much either. He found some pictures and some headlines from that year, but nothing that could bring some light in the darkness that was this Jon's life. As always, some shady magazines had tried to make a big fuss out of their problems, but may it be for the lack of gossip material, incompetency, or considerable bribe, they hadn't succeeded. It had been a shocking divorce, but after all appearances, amiable if watched from outside. Whatever had happened between this Jon and Dot would forever remain between them, a thing he totally hated now. Secrecy sucked!