me.
i have attachment issues.
i get clingy but also distant.
my moods fluctuate and i don't always understand them.
i'm afraid to get close to anyone because i fear losing them...
or worse them leaving me on purpose.
reassurance is a must for me, but i know it can be tiresome.
trust me, i'm tired.
i have anxiety and it wears me thin...
constant worrying thoughts about myself, the people around me and what might/has happened.
i know it affects and weighs down on people around me, but i'm fighting.
don't tell me how draining it is for me to be around because i know.
it drains me.
i distance myself from everyone when i get sad.
in my own head, my conscience lets me know my every flaw and what's wrong with me.
i listen and i agree, there's not much i can do about it but step away and let it run its course.
if i get a slight vibe that i've annoyed you or made you upset, i'll go away.
i won't speak to you until you speak to me first, in fear of further upsetting you and rejection.
i like being with the people that make me happiest and i love. i like talking to my people daily and making sure they're okay...
but it makes me clingy because i constantly want to know how you're doing and just talk.
it helps me feel less lonely and happy.
my days are strange, i'll be happy for a couple of hours then be sad all of a sudden.
or mad.
or irritated.
or i'll just cry for no reason.
all i've had my whole life is my mom.
i have attachment issues when it comes to people getting close to me, i always fear they'll be ripped away from me or just leave me like my biological father did.
it hurts, my heart genuinely hurts when it comes to this. he was my first heartbreak.
he left me before i was even born, like i wasn't worth it.
an maybe i'm not?
but that's okay.
i'll be okay, i make it one day at a time...
healing myself and picking up all of my broken pieces from then til now.
i apologize if i'm difficult to love or hard to understand, i'm guarded.
lowering my walls only ever led to pain and heartache...
but i promise if you give me a chance, i'll come around.
